iNeed Help
by Werewolff
Summary: Events unfold in Sam's life that test her friendships with everyone. Rated M for language and adult content.
1. Chapter 1

iNeed Help

Disclaimers: I don't own 'iCarly' or any of those characters, nor Dennis Blunden. I used a lot of real names to make my supporting cast. I even borrowed a quote from Tom Clancy. I don't know what the real back-story with Carly's mom is, so I made one up, along with her maiden name. In this story, there is references made to a non-consensual sexual act, no details are given. In a later chapter, there is adult content between to consenting people; if you are under 18 or are offended, don't read. Any comments are welcome.  
Author's note: This is set in their junior year, and in this world 'Drake and Josh' was a real show and Miranda Cosgrove was a footnote to kids TV.

* * *

Like all great disasters, this one began with seemingly small, unrelated events. A twelve-ounce can of beer, a lie, two cans, a cover-up, another lie, a shot of whiskey…soon so many lies, so much alcohol, so many broken promises that the truth didn't really exist anymore; except as a forgotten dream. The lies litter the mental landscape like so many previous years' leaves; the forgotten friends, dead trees in a decaying forest. Before long, a great tinderbox of emotional deadwood lay, awaiting that one small spark that would set it ablaze.  
A storm looms on the horizon, let us hope that there is more rain than lightning.

* * *

Sam Puckett crept through the side entrance of Ridgeway High School; hoodie pulled over her head, trying to hide in plain sight. She had been wearing the same clothes all weekend and smelled of cheap beer. The jeans she had on were dirty and torn; her shirt had sweat stains. She was doing her best to keep the peanut butter sandwich down, while her stomach waged open rebellion. She sat on her floor under her open locker, trying to be unseen.

_Mondays suck! So does every other day in my life! _Sam thought as a pair of Nike's stopped beside her.

"Late night again?" Freddie asked. He felt an ache in his heart seeing her like this. He just didn't know how to help her.

Wincing at the noise, Sam rose from the floor. "I am hung-over, sore, and barely keeping food down. If you don't stop yelling at me, I'm going rip you tongue off like a paper towel." This seemed more threatening because of her calm demeanor.

"Why do you keep doing this to yourself?" Carly asked, handing Sam a large coffee. Freddie had stopped pining over her long ago; she missed it. "You're killing yourself."

"Like anyone would care." Sam risked sipping on the steaming beverage; it slid down her raw throat and the caffeine helped her headache a little. She set the cup in her locker.

"Neither of you two will join me, I have to do this alone."

"Why do it at all?" Freddie asked, "You know what drinking causes from your mom…"

Sam grabbed the taller boy by his jacket and slammed him into the bank of lockers. "You do NOT ever, in you perfect little tick free world, ever mention my mother!"

Even though Freddie had grown to almost 6' 3" and 225 pounds, at that moment, he feared Sam. He saw a look of pure evil in her eyes.

"He's just worried about you. I am too." Carly tried to intervene. "You're out of control. You skip school a lot, and when you do show up, you look like a hobo. You miss 'iCarly' rehearsals and shows all the time."

"Then replace me!" Sam roared, then regretted it, as her head threatened to explode. She slid back to the floor "Gibby would love to have my spot."

"I don't want a replacement, I want my best friend back." Carly pleaded.

"Sorry, Sam's gone." She tried to joke; "I'm the left-over crap. Where's my coffee?"

"Here." Freddie handed her the cup.

"Thanks, Fredweird." She said as she pulled out a bottle of saline.

"When did you get contacts?" Freddie asked.

"Not for my eyes." She squeezed some of the liquid into her coffee and swished it around.

"What's that smell?" Carly asked, as the fumes hit her nose.

"Grandpa Puckett's white lightning. After she sipped the adulterated beverage, she held it towards Freddie, "Want some?"

"No. Football team does random drug tests. I finally convince my mom to let me play, I'm not risking my spot."

"No thank you." Carly said, before Sam could offer.

"More for me." She downed half the 24-ounce cup in one sip. "How **did** you convince your control freak mom to let you go out for the football team?"

"Aren't you worried about getting busted?" Carly looked around like she was robbing the Fort Knox.

"Nope." Sam only worried about the next sip. "This makes me feel good, and that's all I care about."

"How can you say that it makes you feel good when you look like shit?" Freddie asked, his vocabulary having been expanded by the rest of the football team.

_If you only knew Freddie, you wouldn't ask me that._ She wanted to tell him, but remained silent. Sam stood up and was about to drink her coffee when Miss Briggs walked past and grabbed it from her.

"You can't have coffee in school, besides you little monsters don't need to be anymore hyper." She took a swallow, then spit it out. "What is in this, crap?"

"Nothing, now gimme my coffee back!" Sam lunged for the coffee cup. She got one hand on the smaller teacher.

"Attacking teachers, a new low for you, Puckett." Mr. Howard grabbed Sam.

"GET THE HELL OFF ME!! NO!!!" Sam howled in fear. She was wild with terror, kicking and swinging at anything that moved. "NO, I SAID STOP! DON'T TOUCH ME! STOP! STOP TOUCHING ME!" Sam didn't even sound like she was fighting Mr. Howard. As she fought him, she started crying.

As Sam swung at Howard, out of instinct, Briggs threw the coffee cup at Sam, forgetting it was hot. The house blend blinded Sam, making her thrashings even wilder.

"Hold this." Freddie handed Carly his backpack and stepped towards Sam. He grabbed the back of Mr. Howard's coat and pulled him off Sam, who was still blinded by the coffee. Sam was flailing wildly still fighting the attacker in her mind. He watched her slowing down, then quickly moved behind her and wrapped her up in a bear hug. He put his head next to hers, so she couldn't head-butt him, and softly sang to her. Sam stopped struggling and relaxed into Freddie's hold. He slid down the front of the lockers, while he soothed the enraged Sam. After a minute, Freddie looked at the sleeping girl in his arms and then at Ms. Briggs. He said nothing, but his look could have split rock. Gently, he lifted Sam and turned towards the office. Briggs tried to stop him. Still glaring, he issued a single word; "MOVE!"

"What's going on?!" Principal Franklin asked as he rounded the corner. Carly motioned for him to calm down. He saw Freddie carrying Sam; her face red with a burn. He quickly took control. "Freddie bring Sam to my office, Carly get the nurse; Howard, Briggs incident reports, now."

"That little hellion attacked us for no reason! I want her expelled!" Howard coughed from the floor, "And he threw me down the hall!"

"Larry, shut up while you still have your job." Principal Franklin had Sam's home number on speed dial…no answer. He left a message to call him at the school. Franklin knew that Spencer had been given limited guardianship, so he tried the Shay's house.

"What up?"

"Spencer, this is Ted Franklin, there's been an incident at school…"

"Is Carly okay? What happened?"

"She's fine, it's Sam. Can you come down to the school? I'll explain everything then."

"I'm on my way."

* * *

Sam snuggled down farther into the softness; for the first time in a while she felt safe. She mumbled. "Is this heaven?"

"Not quite." She heard a male voice, but her eyes were not working.

"Stay back. PLEASE! NO MORE!!" Sam was getting ramped up; she pulled herself into a tight ball. Using her feet, she pushed herself into the corner of the couch.

"Sam, it's Spencer." She felt the couch settle next to her; out of instinct she reached for him.

"Why can't I see?" She slowly reached for her face with her other hand. She touched the bandages and started to get scared. "Am I blind?"

"No, the nurse covered your eyes with some gauze and burn ointment. We'll have her come down and check you, Ms. Clark, to my office." She could hear Franklin's strong, measured tone. "You wanna tell me what happened?

"After the nurse is gone. I don't want too many people to hear this." Sam seemed confused, "Could I have some water? Please?"

"Should I call Mr. Blunden down?" He was referring to the guidance counselor. Spencer put a paper cup in her hand.

"I don't know him. I trust you. And Spencer."

"Well Sam, I trust him. Besides, he knows more about getting help than I do. You can ask him to leave anytime you want."

"Okay." Sam meekly said. Spencer thought she looked smaller, not physically, but she was not the big tough Sam he knew. Sam's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Where's Carly, and Freddie?"

"In class. You've been asleep on that couch for nearly an hour. Freddie almost punched Mr. Howard. The only thing that stopped him was me telling him that it wouldn't help you." Sam heard someone enter the room.

"Who's there?" She was getting scared, "You called my mom and she sent Simon! Don't let him near me, please Spencer. I'd rather die, than go with him!"

Spencer felt his hand being crushed, "Sam, that's my sculpting hand. It's the nurse. You're breaking my hand."

"Sorry, Spencer. I can't see and I'm scared." Spencer knew she had to be really afraid of this man, whoever he was.

"It's okay Sam, I'm going turn off the lights and unwrap your bandages." Sam felt the bandages being unrolled and could make out some rough shapes.

"This might sting some." The nurse said as she turned on her pen light. The small beam momentarily blinded Sam. She rapidly blinked away the brightness.

"Ted, lights." The whole room lit up. "Which fingers am I holding up?"

"Thumb, pointer, and little." Sam answered.

"I don't think that there's any permanent damage, just a little redness. You're lucky."

"Why don't I feel like it?"

"Use these drops if you get a burning sensation." The nurse handed her a small bottle of eye drops. "I dumped that bottle of expired saline out."

"That wasn't saline." Sam was getting a noticeable shake in her hand.

"I know." Franklin had been silent during the exam.

"Can I come in?" The guidance councilor asked. "I'm Mr. Blunden." He shook hands with Spencer and Sam. "You her brother?"

"Friend of the family. I have limited guardianship."

"Well, this is for family and school officials only, so…" Sam cut him off.

"You'll leave before Spencer does." Sam nearly shouted.

"Quite a mouth on this one." Sam winced at the statement. Simon had said that to her once.

"Dennis, maybe I should start." Principal Franklin intervened. "Sam, I have incident reports from Carly, Fred, Howard, and Briggs; wanna tell me your side of what happened?"

"Briggs took my coffee and I tried to get it back and Howard attacked me…" Sam was near tears. "Then I woke up here. I don't remember anything." She heard a grunt of disbelief from Blunden. "Really! All I wanted was my coffee."

"Wanna tell me about the moonshine in the squeeze bottle?" Blunden asked.

"No." Sam looked him over, "You a cop?"

"Not any more. I got shot."

"Who is this 'Simon' that you're so afraid of?" Franklin asked.

Sam felt Spencer sitting there, just letting her hold his hand, like she needed. She didn't have a brother; she always envied Carly for having Spencer. "My mom, she has a new boyfriend. His brother showed up about a month ago and started hitting on me. I told him to fuck off, he said something like 'love to'. He's been trying to sneak into my room, touching on me…" Spencer handed her a rag from his pocket. "Then last Thursday, we were eating diner and I think he spiked my peppie cola cause I got really tired and …and …um…"

"He forced himself on you?" Principal Franklin asked. Sam gave the smallest of nods.

"I read your file, You have a list of rule violations as long as my arm." Sam decided this guy was an asshole. "I think you just got drunk and went off on your teachers."

"HE RAPED ME!"

"Have you bathed since then?" Sam could barely nod. "There goes any DNA…"

"I'm sorry you lost your DNA!" Sam was panicking, "I lost what was left of my life. It wasn't much, but it was all I had! Do you know what it's like to spend hours in a shower, scrubbing until your skin's bleeding? You run all the hot water out, but you keep washing cause you still feel dirty. I know I made mistakes, but I'm not making this up."

"We believe you Sam. It's just without any DNA or something, it's your word verses his." Franklin tried to calm her.

"I still have to report your drinking."

"You said I could trust him!" Sam was getting wild eyed and bordering on hyperventilating. Her 'fight or flight' was kicking in. "You lied to me!" She made for the door.

Grabbing here wrist, "Not until we're…" Blunden was cut off by Sam's fist.

Her eyes showed no emotion at all as she repeatedly struck the overweight man. "I-said-don't-touch-me." She punched him between words.

"Sam, STOP!" Spencer pulled her off. In her mind, Simon was attacking her, and she reacted with a kick to the head.

"OH SHIT! Spencer, I'm sorry." Sam was snapped back to reality. Spencer didn't move or make a sound. Principal Franklin slowly moved to tend to Spencer, not wanting to spook Sam.

"I'm soooo sorry, Spencer." She was trying to keep the tears at bay. "When he wakes up, tell him... I didn't… I didn't mean to hurt him and tell Carly that she was a better friend than I deserved."

"What are you going to do?" Franklin didn't like her tone. "You're not thinking of doing something drastic?"

"I'm going home and try to stop this monster."

"Do you want someone to go with you?"

"No, thank you." She paused in the doorway, "Ted, I'm sorry I made your job so rough."

Sam took off in a full sprint, knowing that she only had a few minutes before he would call the cops.

"Call the nurse and an ambulance." Principal Franklin ordered the secretary, as he pressed the send button on the school's public address system.


	2. Chapter 2

"I hope Sam's okay." Carly had been worried since Freddie had taken her to the office.

"Carly, can I tell you something?" Freddie asked. "You know that I always say that I wanted to date you?"

_This is odd; he hasn't tried to ask me out in over a year._ "Yeah, this is no time to try to hit on me."

"Well, the truth is, I love Sam. I know she causes me nothing but grief, but I think it' because she's been hurt so much in the past that she doesn't want to risk getting hurt again."

"Makes sense. By the way, what did you sing to her?"

"Promise you won't laugh." Freddie grinned, "We used to watch 'Drake & Josh', and the girl that played the sister, Megan, she put out a CD and we use to make fun of it."

"What ever happened to her? I thought she was a good actress. Too bad she couldn't do more." The actress had not managed to transition into adult rolls. After her teen years, her career had stalled. She was doing movies of the week and direct to video.

"You think she's cute, huh. Now that I think about her, anyone ever tell you that you kinda look like her?

"It's weird, but a lot of people think I'm her. They say everyone has a twin out there."

Freddie though for a moment, "What about Sam and Mel? They already have their twin. So is there another set of twins out there that look like them?"

Carly was getting confused by all the twins now. She opened her mouth, but was cut off…

"**Carly Shay and Freddie Benson to the office."** Principal Franklin's voice came over the PA system.

'Sam!" They both said.

_

* * *

__Gotta get there before they do. Gotta stop this before I hurt anyone else! Wish I had a drink!_ Sam was running down the street, weaving and dodging people. Her legs were on fire and her lungs felt like they were going to burst, but she pushed herself to keep running.

She was on the verge of passing out on the elevator up to the Shay's Apartment.

_Glad I have a key. Sorry Carly, Spencer but I'm the only one who can stop me._

Hearing the door close, Mrs. Benson called Spencer.

* * *

Spencer's world slowly formed into real things. He noticed that he was on the floor and his jaw hurt. He caught a whiff of the ammonia capsule under his nose. He moved his head away from the noxious fumes. The EMT's checked him over as he sat on the floor. They said that Spencer should see a doctor, but didn't need to be rushed to the hospital.

"Sam?" Freddie offered his hand to Spencer. He easily pulled Spencer to his feet.

"Gone." Freddie said. "What exactly did she say?"

"That she was going home to stop this."

"Okay, Freddie, I'll drop you off at Sam's house. You can handle yourself better in that environment. Carly, you go to Freddie's and get his mom. We'll need her help. I'll check our place." Spencer pulled his car keys out. "Everyone meet at our apartment."

"I'll let the cops know to look for her." Blunden said.

"Haven't you done enough? What do you think she'll do if they corner her?" Spencer asked.

"She assaulted us…"

"She's scared and desperate and alone; you throw some trigger happy cops into the mix and we get one dead kid." Spencer really disliked this guy. His cell phone rang and he moved to the corner to answer it. "Change in plan, our house now." Spencer closed the phone.

Freddie pulled Blunden by the shirt collar and whispered, "Anything happens to her because of you, I will come back here and I will kill you." The three left quickly.

"What are you going to do about his threat?"

"Dennis, the important question is what are you going to do?" Franklin looked at the counselor. "I think maybe a career change is in order."

* * *

"How we doing this?" Freddie asked outside the door.

"Let me go in first. We don't want her to get scared."

"Why here?" Carly asked.

"She said she was going home, this is her home more than her mom's." Freddie replied.

"You guys wait in the living room until I call for you." Spencer told them as they entered. Spencer quietly checked his room and found his lock box open.

_DAMN IT!_ Running for the stairs, he informed the group "She's got my gun."

"Spencer has a gun?" Mrs. Benson asked.

"We'll tell you later." Carly said.

_

* * *

_

I have to stop this monster I've become.

Sam was looking out the window; a bottle of whiskey setting on the sill. _A bottle of sleeping pills, a bottle of Jack, a bullet, and a 9 story fall. Should kill me._ She broke the seal and took a swig of the Jack Daniels. She looked at the pistol she had stolen from Spencer's room. She hoped that she had the right bullet. She took another drink. The familiar warmth spread through her body.

"Whatcha doing with my gun?"

"GOD! Spencer, you gave me a heart attack." Sam almost dropped the pill bottle as she tried to unscrew the cap. "Too bad I'm still alive."

"You wanna talk?" Spencer turned one of the chairs to face Sam, but didn't pull it closer.

"No, you wanna leave?"

"No."

"Gonna get messy in a minute." Sam picked up the bottle. "I was just gonna wash down this bottle of sleeping pills with this bottle of whiskey."

"Why do you need my gun?"

"To put a bullet in my head." Sam said calmly as she loaded a single round in the open chamber and closed the slide. "I got one last week from 'Rip-off' Rodney; a hollow point. Should blow the back of my God damn head off. Why do you care?"

"Because, I've been there before."

"Where?"

"The abyss." Spencer stood up slowly and rolled up his sleeves. "I ever tell you why I wear long sleeves?"

"No."

Spencer turned his arm over and showed her a scar running along his arm.

"What happened?" She wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"My Grandpa used to call me all sorts of names. I could never do anything right." Spencer started to tear up. "I was about 15; Carly was almost 3. He had been riding me about joining the Navy after High School. He called me 'gutless' and asked how we could be related. He was hypercritical of me and everything I did. I ran up to my room and grabbed my pocketknife and I pressed a little too hard."

"You tried to kill yourself?"

He shook his head. "No, The doctor said that I was clinically dead for almost two minutes." Spencer let her take that in. "No pulse, not breathing, no nothing."

"What did you see?"

"Nothing. Just black darkness."

"That's all I have here. Nothing."

"You have me and Carly and Freddie."

"I'm poison, hang around me long enough and I'll drag you down too." She took a long swallow of the whiskey. The bottle was almost half-empty. "Spencer, tell Carly she was a better friend than a lost cause like me should of ever had. And tell Freddie that, I'm really sorry for all the trouble. I kinda liked him." Her words were slurred, and she was having trouble keeping her eyes open.

"Alright. The safety is a little sticky." Spencer slowly walked up and took hold of the barrel. In one swift moment, Spencer removed the receiver and barrel assembly.

"Hey gimme that back!"

"No."

Sam blindly threw the handle at Spencer. She missed him, but shattered the studio door. "Why can't you just give up like everyone else in my shitty life!" Sam was off-balance and barely upright. "Why do you care about me?"

"Because we love you Sam." He edged closer. "Do you wanna call someone? Melanie maybe?"

"HELL NO! She'd just love to hear that I wanna kill myself." Sam collapsed to the floor, sobbing. "Why can't I be more like Carly or Freddie? They're strong; they can deal with this shit. I can't take it anymore. I tried Spencer, I really did. I'm not like them. I just can't! It's too much! I…really…tried…but I… I can't…do it…anymore!"

"They have their days too." Spencer sat down with her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, "Being strong doesn't mean you can handle everything, it just means you keep coming back." He looked at Sam, "You wanna come back, try again?"

"Sure." Sam laid her head on Spencer's shoulder. She caught a pleasant odor through her tears. "You two can come in."

"How did you know?" Freddie opened the shattered door.

"Smelled your cologne. It's nice." Her voice was soft. "I'd miss that smell." Sam was almost sleep. "Carly?"

"Yeah?" Wiping her eyes; she leaned in close.

"I think Freddie's kinda cute." She passed out.


	3. Chapter 3

See chapter 1 for the full disclaimer.

"I'm cold." Sam stated through chattering teeth. "Carly, can I have another blanket?"

"Sure." She heard an unfamiliar man say.

Fear gripped her, "Who are you?' She was trying to flee.

"Ben, your PCA. You wanna talk to the doctor?"

"Where am I?" Sam started to sit up, but Ben stopped her.

"Seattle Children's Hospital. They have you restrained. Suicide watch. Lemme show you how to work the bed." He pulled up the remote control. "These two control the head, the feet and the TV." He pointed out the controls.

"You're the first person who's been nice to me in a while. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled at her, "You okay?"

A wave a queasiness rocked Sam, "No, trash can."

Ben knew from the report that Sam had a large quantity of alcohol in her system, so he had placed a few extra trashcans in her room. Sam lost the battle with her stomach, several times. She ended up dry heaving two or three times. Ben took the used can and handed her a clean one.

"For later." He told her. As she fell back asleep, he covered her with another blanket. He mentioned the vomiting to the attending.

* * *

Sam awoke up to find a young woman washing her face off. The warm cloth and gentle touch felt wonderful. Sam noticed that the head portion was elevated. The woman didn't look like a nurse or a cop, but she kept her guard up. "Who you?" Sam could just croak out.

"Hi, I'm Jennette. I'll be your PCA this afternoon." She picked up a small cup of water with a bendy straw. Sam sucked the cold water down.

"Where's Ben?"

"He went home a while ago." She grinned. "They do let us go home."

"Must be nice to have somewhere you want to go."

"You must have somewhere to go?"

"Tried, they stopped me." Sam didn't seem to care.

"That young man, Freddie, he went to the vending machines to get something to eat. He's barely left this chair since he got here at 6 am."

_Why is he here?_ Sam wanted to be alone, but she also wanted someone to talk to.

"He really seems care about you. Is he your boyfriend?"

"No, He likes Carly? She's funny and pretty."

"The brunette?"

"Yeah." Sam wished she could wipe her eyes. "I'm the third wheel here."

"Really?" Jennette asked, "Freddie hardly paid any attention to her."

"You're just saying that. Freddie hates me, a brother/sister sort of way." Sam could barely keep it together. "You have any family?"

"A younger brother. You?"

"Sister, she's older by all of 2 minutes." Sam wished she could see Melanie. "She's also perfect. Smart, pretty, great hair, friends that would do anything for her."

"Sounds nothing like you." Jennette said sarcastically.

"She got this scholarship to a preppy school in Sacramento. I see her maybe twice a year. Melanie would be better off an only child."

"Well, Samantha I'm not. So you're gonna have to buck up and deal." An oddly familiar voice said from the doorway.

"Oh, shit. When did you get here?" Sam wished she could hide. "You came to gloat, right."

"I'll leave you two alone." Jennette quietly backed out of the room.

"No, I came back to help my little sister. Carly called me last night. She was crying so bad, I thought you were dead. Do you know what it's like to be on an airplane, for two hours, thinking your sister's dead!"

"I'm sorry. I'll try harder next time."

All of Melanie's anger came out in one act; she slapped Sam in the face. Melanie stood there, not believing what she did. "Oh my God; I'm sorry Samantha."

"Might as well join in, everyone else uses me as a punching bag." Sam acted as if it was no big deal.

"I'm sorry, I know I never say it, but I love you Samantha. You're my sister." Melanie sat on the bed.

"Why?" Melanie finally broke the silence. "Why Samantha?"

"You have no idea what I've had to go through, listening to 'Why can't you be smart like your sister?' or 'Why can't you be pretty like Melanie?' Then Mom's new boyfriend's brother shows up and starts hitting on me. He's like, 24 or 25. And then last Thursday, he slipped something in my peppie cola…and…he, um…raped me." Sam felt like she was reliving it. "I tried to stop him, but he was too strong."

"It'll be all right, Samantha." Melanie held her sister, letting her cry out her pain.

"What are you doing out of bed, Sam?" Freddie walked in.

"I'm Melanie. Remember, we danced and you kissed me."

Sam lay back on the pillows. "You kissed Freddie?"

"Yeah, he's a great kisser."

"True that."

"You're really real?" Freddie looked at the identical women. "You want some juice?"

"Anything with sugar." Sam felt light-headed.

"Thank you Freddie." Melanie took the bottles from him.

"There's a bendy straw in that cup." Sam pulled at the restraints. "Freddie, you bring me some ham?"

"Sorry."

"You're useless." She saw Freddie walk towards the door, and started to cry again. "Please don't leave me! I'm sorry Freddie! PLEASE STAY!!" She almost separated her shoulders lunging for Freddie. "I NEED YOU!"

"Hadn't planned on leaving." Someone had moved his chair next to the door; he pulled it closer to the bed. His voice dropped to a whisper. "I love you."

"I'm just so used to hearing shit like that. Usually directed at me, I am so fucked in the head." Sam lost it. "Maybe I should've died."

"Samantha, don't make me smack you again." Melanie ordered.

"Sorry." Sam blubbered out between tears. "How can twins be so different?"

"I got out, and you stayed in that toxic home."

"I gotta get out of there." Sam blinked a few times; "I don't feel so good. Get the trash can."

"Here." Melanie held it with one hand and pulled Sam's hair back with the other.

"I'll find a doctor." Freddie slipped out.

Sam took some deep breaths, but they failed to work. Sam lost the contents of her stomach. Seeing that clear slimy mess made her vomit again.

"You gonna be okay?" Melanie wiped Sam's mouth.

Nodding, she lay back. "I gotta keep something down."

"That's the first smart thing you've said all day." Melanie hugged her little sister.

"How's the patent doing?"

"Like deep fried shit." Sam never looked at the doctor; it took more energy than she had at the moment.

"What time is it?"

"About 3 PM."

"What day"

"Tuesday. You were brought in with signs of exhaustion, borderline dehydration, alcohol poisoning, and were mumbling about being attacked. Wanna talk?"

"Last person who asked me to talk double crossed me. So, no, not yet." She turned towards the doctor, "Just make me stop barfing. Please."

"You have to trust someone, sometime." He wrote something on her chart and pointed it to the nurse. Then he unhooked the restraints.

"Trusting is not something I'm doing a lot right now." Sam slowly sat up on her bed.

"This is something called phenergan. It should help settle your stomach."

"I have trouble with pills."

"It's either a pill or a suppository. Your choice."

"You mean stick a… NO WAY. Can I chew the pill?"

"Might taste bad."

"I'll risk it." Sam picked up the small pill and managed to swallow it. "When can I get out of here?"

"It's going to be a while. Your friend, Spencer, had you committed on a 72 hour paper." The doctor continued. "That means for at least the next 2 days you're staying here. They were really worried about you. The young man, Frankie I think, wouldn't leave. He just sat in this chair all day watching you."

"Freddie. His name is Freddie." Sam looked at the empty chair. "Can I get something to eat?"

"I'll have the kitchen prepare a clear tray. Chicken broth, Jell-O, sprite. I called your mother and…"

"She's half the reason I'm here!" Sam tried to jump up; Melanie sat next to her for support. "I gotta get outta here. He'll find me, he'll take me back, he'll…" Sam was almost incoherent.

"She didn't answer." The doctor approached her, hands out and empty. "Spencer told me some of the story; my brother-in-law is a lawyer and he filed a temporary guardianship petition. Spencer is your guardian during your stay. We saw that your mom had turned over limited guardianship to him already."

"Too bad he can't take me full time."

"If you can prove your mom is unfit to parent, he could."

"Okay, I still don't trust you completely, but I'm starting to."

"Oh shit." This was the first time Sam ever heard Melanie curse. Maybe she was a Puckett.

"There you are! Samantha Marie Puckett, you know how much this hospital is costing me?" Sam's mother slurred. She was with an equally foul man. Neither smelled like they had bathed in days.

"You know how much this almost cost me?"

"Don't you sass you mama." The man snapped.

"I'm Samantha's doctor, If you do not stop disturbing my patient, I will ask you to leave."

"Can you give us some time?" The man asked the doctor. The doctor left, but headed for the desk to keep an eye on things.

"Leave me alone!" Sam yelled at the group. "I wanna talk to my sister."

"You mind leaving us alone?" Simon sat on the bed.

"We're outta beer and smokes. I'll meet you back at the house. Sam you be nice to him. He's the right man for you." Their mom physically pulled Melanie from the room.

"Like hell, I'll die before I let him touch me again."

"Lookie here, you ain't wearing no pants." Simon eyed her hospital gown. "I think we got off on bad terms before. You see, your mom owes us big time for the coke and other shit, she gave us you in payment. You're gonna do whatever I want, whenever I want it."

"Like hell, you're not gonna touch me again."

"I want any lip outta you, I'll pull my zipper down."

"I think the young lady asked you to leave."

"Who the hell are…you?" Simon turned around and was looking at Freddie's chest. The time in the weight room had been good to him.

Looking down at the smaller man, "I'm her boyfriend. There's the door." Freddie stepped to the side. "You can walk out," Freddie cracked his knuckles, "or I can throw you out."

"This ain't over yet." Simon slunk out of the room.

"Thank you Freddie." Sam wrapped him in a hug. "He …he was…" She was sobbing. "That's the … that... he…was…the one who…who…raped me!"

"As long as I'm here, he won't touch you again." Freddie just held her, letting her cry herself out. He felt his anger rising, that guy had hurt Sam.

"Freddie, he lives with my mom. When I get outta here, he'll be waiting." Sam sat down. "Now you know why I drank. Now you know why I wanted to die."

"Spencer is looking into what we can do to keep you out of her house." Freddie sat in the chair, wanting to let Sam have her space.

"What can he do?"

"There are a few options. He can try to get you a guardian, or emancipated." Freddie looked at the floor. "I did something."

"What."

"I called placed to the police about drug activity at your house."

"Why?" Sam was barely thinking. "There was shit in my room."

"No, there wasn't." Freddie grimed. "I snuck in your window and cleaned out your room before I called. Carly said you can stay at her place when you get out." Freddie pulled his chair up close. "Damn it Sam! Why the hell didn't you ever say anything to me or Carly?"

Sam couldn't look at him. "This is my problem, you and Carly don't need me dragging you down with me."

"No, Sam, we need you. I need you."

"Did you say 'I'?"

"Yeah, I told you 'I love you', not Carly. Sam, for all your crude, pain-dishing, foul-tempered behaviors; I love you Sam." He leaned in to hug her.

"I think you smell nice. Fredward." Sam returned the embrace. She never called him Fredward.

Freddie felt her shudder and hitch a little; then wetness on his shoulder. He never broke their embrace, as if they would loose that moment forever. "What's wrong Sam?"

"Just shut up and hold me." Sam squeaked out. She knew he would never hurt her.

"Whatever it takes Sam, we'll get you through it."

"Hey, ready for some good news?" Spencer broke in. Sam and Freddie separated.

"They invented bacon flavored Kool-aide?"

"No, although that would be cool. I got your case fast tracked through family courts. The hearing is going to be tomorrow. If we can prove your mom is unfit, we can either have a guardian appointed, I've already filed for that, or you could be emancipated."

"You really think I could handle being on my own?"

"Not yet. I want to go over some brochures with you."

"For what?"

"Treatment centers. Whatever happens tomorrow, Sam, you need to get sober."

"I'm just scared. All you guys are making plans for me, and I can't even keep water down. I'm so fucked up right now." Sam started to sob. "Why couldn't you let me go?"

"What kind of friends would we be then." Carly wrapped Sam up in a hug.

"Thank you Carly, Spencer, Freddie." Sam let out slow breath; "I don't feel so good."

"Trash can?" Melanie walked in and grabbed one.

"No, just really light-headed."

"May I come in?" A woman asked from the doorway. "I'm Dr. Amber Dane. I'm the Staff Psychologist.

"Sure, the more the merrier." Sam joked weakly.

"I just wanted to stop by and talk for a few minutes. Would you like me to come back later?"

"You're already here. This is my family." Sam pointed at the group. "This is my sister Melanie, BFF Carly, my guardian Spencer, and my boyfriend Freddie."

"Where are your parents?"

Carly looked at Sam and mouthed '_BOYFRIEND_!' Sam just grinned.

"Dad's in prison, mom just left. That's part of why I'm here. Can I have that juice?" Sam pointed to the bottles Freddie had brought.

"Sure, apple or orange?" Carly held them up.

"Orange. More sugar."

"You said that your mom is part of your problems. Can you elaborate?"

"My mom's been drinking since dad got shipped. There's always been booze in the house. I started drinking…." Sam now wished she had sent her friends away.

"Samantha?" Melanie interrupted her thoughts.

"Sorry, …about three years ago. I started so that I could hang out with my mom, then I would go over to my friend's houses. I'd see the nice stuff they had, the families' I could only wish for." She saw Carly turn her head away. "No Carly, it's not your fault." Sam felt bad enough. "This is my fault. I'm the one who choose to drink."

"Wanna talk about yesterday?" Dr. Dane asked.

"Not really," Sam took a deep breath. "But I will. Last Thursday night…" Sam recounted the events leading to her current situation. By the end of the story, Sam felt better, but was near exhaustion, both physically and mentally.

"I think that you need to get out of that house." Dr. Dane stated. "It's not safe or healthy. I would also like to run a few tests, just to rule out any underlying mental health issues."

"Great, I'm a CRAZY drunk." Sam looked at the meal tray before her. "Why did you have the perfect genes and I got all the crap?"

Melanie shook her head, "Not genes, Adderall and Depakote. Been taking them for a while. I guess depression runs in our family."

"I never knew."

"I don't usually say anything. If she's like me, she's got impulse control and mild bipolar." Melanie told the doctor.

"Thank you. That'll give me somewhere to start."

"Doctor, I know you haven't really had much time with Sam, but I would like you in court tomorrow." Spencer looked respectable in his dockers and causal dress shirt.

"Criminal?"

"Family. I filed for custody of Sam. I am trying everything I can to get her out of that house."

"What time?"

"9 am."

"I'll be there."

"With the drug bust today, Sam, we've got a fighting chance." Spencer told the kids.

"Fighting's what I do best." For the first time that day, Sam smiled.

Carly pulled Sam's head around, "Then you fight like hell for your life. I never knew my mom, and if I have to bury my best friend; I **will** kick you ass as soon as I get to heaven."

"Like they'd ever let me in heaven."

The attending walked in and saw Spencer. "How's your wrist?"

"Good, thank you for asking. Who are you?"

"I was three days out of residency when you came rolling in to the ER. That's not something you forget." The doctor looked like he was in his later 30's.

"What's he talking about Spencer?" Carly looked puzzled. She knew he was a bit of a klutz, but he had never been hurt too badly. She saw Spencer rub his wrist.

"Carly, you know this scar, I always told you I hurt myself sculpting." Spencer pulled his sleeve down a little.

"Yeah, you're starting to scare me." She could feel her chest getting tight.

"Well, I killed myself. You were just a toddler when it happened. Me and Grandpa got into a really bad argument and I wasn't thinking…"

"You mean you tried to kill yourself?" Carly couldn't handle this now. Her mind was nearing shut down.

"No, he means dead. I was the one who stitched up his arm." The Doctor cleared up. "It took a while, but we saved his life."

"I don't know if I told you back then, but thank you." Spencer extended his hand.

"I'll do my part for your friend. You and Daniel do your part in court." The doctor left.

"Why didn't you… you ever… tell… me?" Carly was in tears and near hyperventilating. She stumbled towards the chair; "I need… sit." Freddie helped Carly to his chair.

"Carly, breath slower." Melanie gently rubbed her back. "Breath."

"I'm …I'm gonna… be..." Freddie handed her one of the trashcans and Melanie managed to get most of Carly's hair out of the way. After Carly was sick, she barely lifted her head and mumbled "I don't feel good." Freddie caught her as Carly slumped forward; she had passed out.

"She just needs time to sort this out." Freddie said, as he picked Carly up. He pulled something out of his pocket "Sam, this is a preprogrammed cell phone. Just push the button and it dials the number. I have my cell on '1', Spencer's on '2', the security desk on '3' and 911 on '9'. If anything happens while we're taking her home, call."

"I'll be okay. Take care of her." Sam looked at the bland meal again. "Hey Mel, you think you can get me some ham?"

* * *

Carly jerked awake. The remnants of the nightmare were drifting away as she got her bearings. She was in her bed, and night had fallen. Slowly she sat up and remembered the events of that afternoon. She stripped off her jeans and tee shirt and turned the shower on hot. She lathered her hair, wishing she could wash off her guilt about Sam as easily. When she was finished, Carly pulled on a tee she had swiped from Spencer and a pair of sweats. Quietly she walked down the stairs.

"Spencer?" She called out.

"Hi Carly. Spencer's down at the law office." Mrs. Benson walked out of the kitchen, holding a glass of water.

"No. Not again." Carly shook her head and started to panic; Mrs. Benson was in her apartment, Spencer was a lawyer. This was her nightmare again. She needed her inhaler; she needed Sam; she needed everything to be right. She felt her brain wanting to shut down again. She stumbled backwards towards Spencer's room.

"Carly!" Freddie yelled, as he got up from the kitchen table.

"In-haler." She pointed to Spencer's room. Freddie ran to get the inhaler. Mrs. Benson got her to the couch.

"Here." Freddie handed her the inhaler. Carly quickly used it.

"Just breath." Mrs. Benson said. "Give her that glass of water."

"Please tell me you and Spencer aren't married." Carly gasped out.

"No, we are not." She gave Carly a puzzled look; "What ever made you think that?"

Carly took a few deep breaths, "When Spencer burned down our Christmas tree, I yelled at him and wished he had been normal." Carly drained the glass in one gulp. "I had a nightmare. In it, you two were married. Thank you." She handed Freddie the glass.

"No, Spencer is just helping the Lawyers with Sam's hearing tomorrow. We were waiting for you to wake up so we could go back to the hospital. Hungry?"

"I'm out of it right now. How long was I asleep?"

"Few hours." Freddie pulled a Styrofoam cup from the freezer. "Try this."

Blueberry Blitz, Her favorite. She took a sip and started to cry. "I wanna wake up and this all be a bad dream! Why didn't Spencer tell me about his suicide before?"

"Carly, you're going vapor lock if you don't settle down." Freddie handed her a plate of pizza. "You and Sam can have adjoining rooms."

"Not funny." His mom scolded him. "Asthma is a serious medical condition."

"I haven't had an attack in years, but Spencer keeps refilling my prescription. Good thing, huh?" She looked at the slices of meat lovers, "How did we miss Sam getting this bad? We're supposed to be her best friends."

"She's good at hiding her problems." Freddie bit into his own slice.

She laid her head on Mrs. Benson's lap. "We can't ever go back to the way things were, can we?"

"No, we can't." Freddie stated. "If we go backwards now, Sam dies."

"All right, but I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Benson asked, stroking Carly's hair. "What's changed?"

"Sam's drinking and her depression and…" She was cut off

"The only thing that changed is that you know all this now. Sam wants to get better, but she can't do it alone. She needs you now, more than ever. Just treat her like Sam. When she's ready, she'll talk about this."

They sat on the couch for a while, then Mrs. Benson broke the silence. "Spencer never told you this, and I only know some of it because I was his neighbor. But a big part of his suicide was you."

"ME!" Carly sat up yelling.

"That came out wrong. Not you directly. You see, after your mom died, your dad dealt with her lose by shipping out for a long tour of duty. He had your Grandpa Malone watch you; I only met him once. He pretty much left Spencer to raise you." She paused, thinking back to that time, "Could you image what pressure he was under; just loosing his mom, his dad leaves for his tour, and he is now mom/dad/big brother."

"I never knew." Carly could barely speak.

"I would help when I could. I would watch you during the day when Spencer would be at school, but he would get you as soon as he got home. Then he would have to cook, clean, and everything else to make the house run. Plus his school work. Plus, your Grandpa would show up whenever and yell at Spencer for anything."

"Do you think that's why Spencer is so…Spencerish." Carly asked. "You think he hates

Me?" She broke down.

"Never. He hated the situation; he hated your dad and grandpa for not being there when he needed them. But you, he loves you."

_Maybe, I'm the poisonous one._ Carly thought.


	4. Chapter 4

See chapter 1 for the full disclaimer.

* * *

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, young man?"

"I need to set this monitor up, where is a good spot?"

"Why?"

The lawyer, Daniel, spoke up; "Miss Puckett is not able to attend as her physician would not clear her to leave the hospital. Mr. Benson has wired a video feed."

"Right here." The bailiff pointed to a place on the table.

Sam's mom and her boyfriend were escorted in wearing prison issued jumpsuits and handcuffs. Neither was in any condition to assist their attorney.

"All rise." The bailiff ordered.

"Be seated. In the matter of Puckett v. Puckett, who is on that screen?"

"I'm Samantha Puckett, I couldn't be there in person, due to medical reasons, but I wanted to be heard."

"All right. Miss. Puckett, if there are no objections, you will be treated as if you were in the room. You may begin." The Judge motioned to Daniel.

"Thank you, your honor. It is our position that the home of Mrs. Puckett is unsafe for her daughter, Samantha."

"You want Sam?" He mom interrupted.

"Yes, we do not think she's safe in your home."

"Where do I sign?"

"Mrs. Puckett, you understand that you would be signing away all parental rights?" The Judge asked.

"Kid's been nothing but a disappointment. Why couldn't she be like her sister?"

"You have other children?"

"Melanie got herself emaciated years ago."

"You mean emancipated?"

"Yeah."

"Mr. Shay, you have filed for custody of Miss Puckett, do you understand what you're getting into?"

"Yes, Your Honor. I have been discussing suitable treatment centers with Samantha. She knows that she needs help and that she can not stay in her mother's home. As soon as the medical staff at Children's has cleared her for travel, she will go to a center in Florida for treatment."

"All right, I will grant the motion. Bailiff, start swapping papers."

"Excuse me, you honor?"

"Yes, young lady."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Giving me a chance at a life."

"You can thank me by doing something with it, not throwing it away."

"I just needed a little help from my friends." She wiped her eyes; "I've already gotten past the hardest part."

"What's that?"

"Asking for help."

The judge smiled, "Good luck, Samantha."

"Thank you." Sam paused, "Can I say something to my mom?"

"Please." The Judge motioned towards the defendants.

"Freddie, turn me towards her." He made the necessary moves. "Mom, I don't know what I ever did to make you hate me so much, but I could never be as smart or as perfect as Melanie. You wanna know why? Because I'm Sam, your other daughter; the one you forgot about."

"I never forgot about you. You were such a disappointment, I could never forget about you." Her mom looked at the screen. "Why do you think I started drinking?'

"I'm sorry you can't love me, but I have to live my life. Good-bye mother." Sam turned off her feed.

"Whatever." Her mom said to a blank screen.

* * *

"You sure you don't want one of us to go with you?" Carly asked for the millionth time.

"Yes, Someone from the center will be waiting for me at the airport. I have all the numbers to there and you guys and…" Sam started to well up. "Thank you all!" She broke down.

"Samantha, I know you'll get better; because if you're just as crazy as I am, then you're just as tough as I am." Melanie hugged her. "I love you, sis."

"I love you too."

"We'll keep the guest host going until you get back." Carly hugged her best friend. "Here's a snack for the plane ride down." She handed Sam a couple of ham sandwiches.

"This won't last to take-off."

"Call us when you land." Freddie pulled her close and whispered. "I love you Samantha Puckett."

"I love you too," She wrapped her arms around him and yanked. She whispered to him, "Only Melanie calls me Samantha." She kissed him. "You have to come up with a nickname for me."

"Come back to me." Freddie kissed her again. He tried to discreetly pull his underwear down.

"Of course I will." Sam turned and headed for the boarding gate. "I'm wearing your boxers!"

"What did she say Fredward?" His mom asked.

"She asked for a pair of my boxers to sleep in." Freddie explained.

"She's never gonna change." Carly laughed.

"Yeah, she will, but for the better." Spencer chimed in. "How about some dinner? I hear there's this new sub shop down the way from Groovie Smoothie."

"I'm worried." Melanie interrupted the dinner plans. "What if she falls off the wagon?"

Freddie spoke first, "Then we'll just have to throw her back on it. As many times as it takes."

"I think her biggest problem was her home." Spencer said, "Once she got outta there, she seemed 100% better."

"Plus the medications. That really helped me." Melanie told them.

"Where did you get a gun?" Mrs. Benson asked.

"I got it from Socko's buddy, he was in the army."

"What's his name?" Carly asked.

"Gunthar." Spencer eked out.

"Of course." Carly groaned.

"How long you staying for?" Freddie asked Melanie.

"My flight leaves tomorrow. I managed to get the professors to hold my work and I'd make it up when I get back. This fell under the family emergency category."

"I'm sorry that I didn't believe you the first time we met," Freddie apologized. "I mean that I thought you were Sam."

"I know, you thought that they were playing a joke on you." She looked at him. "Treat my sister right, or you'll have to deal with the whole Puckett family."

"You really think she would keep me alive long enough for you to get here?" Freddie joked.

"Enough talk! I want dinner." Carly put on her 'pouty' face.

* * *

"Freddie, where's Gibby?" Carly was pacing the studio.

"He said that he couldn't make it. He got a friend of his to cover. They should be here any minute."

"We go live in 30 seconds!" Carly was near panic.

"Then you go live solo and Gibby's friend can jump in when they get here." Freddie got the camera synched up with the laptop. "In 5…4…3…2" He pointed to Carly.

"Hello all you out there in web-land." Carly put on her 'performer' face. "I'm Carly!"

The studio door opened up and a young woman walked in, talking on her cell phone. "And I don't care what you said Gibby, I'm not taking my shirt off!"

"SAM!" Carly wrapped her in a hug. "When did you get back to Seattle?"

"About an hour ago." She twirled around; "You like the new, tanned, sober Sam?"

"Very much!" Freddie piped in from behind the camera.

Sam whispered something to Carly, who nodded and backed out of the shot. "You might have noticed that I haven't been on 'iCarly' for awhile. I've been in Florida for the last 3 months. No, I was not on vacation. I was getting treatment for substance abuse." She looked at the camera, _Just like you practiced on the plane._ "My name is Sam Puckett and I'm an alcoholic. Today is my 100th day sober. I want everyone to know that there is help out there, you just have to ask for it." She motioned Carly over to her. "And you need the greatest friends in the world." She hugged Carly.

"We've put some links to treatment centers on ''. So, if you or a friend needs help; check those out." Carly stated.

Sam turned on the performer. "We now return you to your regularly scheduled web-cast, already in progress."

Freddie tossed Sam her remote; She hit the second button up. "**RANDOM DANCING!"** The prerecorded voice boomed.

_Welcome back, Sam._ Freddie glanced at the viewer-ship numbers; they were skyrocketing.

* * *

"One last thing, Wednesday was karaoke night, so on the next iCarly, we will be singing. You can send in your karaoke videos to !" Sam was smiling ear to ear.

"And we are clear." Freddie turned the camera off and shut down the feed. "That was the best show ever! According to our counter, we topped 2 million viewers; first time ever!"

"All because of Sam." Carly was excited to see her friend. Sam saw that Carly had on a sweeter and long sleeve shirt; this seemed odd. "But why did you say we will sing next show? And who is 'we'?"

"You, me, Freddie, Spencer maybe."

"Enough planning! I say we commence with the drinking of smoothies and welcoming Sam home!" Freddie interrupted.

They three headed for the elevator; Sam took Freddie's hand as they walked. She had missed him.

"It looks like you hit every buffet in the south." Carly joked. Sam did have a few more curves on her.

"Part of it was that I had a stomach problem. I couldn't absorb some nutrients from food. Once we got that corrected, I started to gain weight." Sam sipped her smoothie. "How do I look?"

"You look awesome." Carly chirped. "I mean, you can tell you've gained, but you look great."

"I feel great." Sam looked at the floor, then started to cry softly. "I'm sorry I put you guys through all this."

Freddie wrapped her in a gentle embrace. "Just promise that you'll talk to us if you need help. We're your friends."

"I know, I had trust issues." Sam laughed through her tears, "Listen to me: Trust issues, stomach problems, alcohol abuse. What didn't I have?"

"An eating disorder?" Carly joked. Her laugh sounded forced.

"I just want things to be cool between us."

"Just no more secrets like that anymore, okay." Freddie said.

"Ankle shake on it." Carly stood up.

After the elaborate ritual, Sam looked at the floor. "I'm still not 100%," She turned her head towards the pair. "So, if I need an ear or a shoulder, will you be there?"

"You really think you need to ask." Carly answered for the two of them.

"You remember when we first started 'iCarly' and we would sleep here at the studio?" Freddie asked, "Whatta you say we order up some pizzas, I get us some more smoothies, you two raid the 7/11 and we party all night?"

"Sounds good to me." Sam said.

"Anything with food sounds good to you." Carly ribbed her friend.

Freddie paid for the pizzas and they set up the big screen to watch movies. The trio managed to get through 2 dvds before Sam glanced over at the other beanbag.

"Carls?"

"Hhhmmmm." Carly barely answered.

"You asleep?" No answer. "Freddie, I think movie night is over."

"I'll go change in the bathroom, you and Carly can get ready here." Freddie grabbed his clothes and headed down the hall.

"Carly, gotta get ready for bed." Sam sat her up and helped get her sleep shirt on. Sam noticed Carly looked much thinner than before. She easily lifted her friend.

A soft knock at the door jarred Sam back to the present. She covered Carly with a blanket and motioned for Freddie to come in.

"Has Carly been eating okay? I noticed her ribs showing." Sam noticed how Freddie had filled out since joining the football team. The nerd was gone.

" I hadn't really noticed, Briggs and Howard have been dumping homework on me and Carly. Getting pay back for helping you. I have heard her blaming herself for not noticing your problems. You think she has a problem?"

"I think she just has a guilty conscience." Sam walked up to Freddie, a twinkle in her eye. "Did you miss me?"

"Very much." Freddie leaned in for a kiss.

Sam had to stretch to reach his lips. As the kiss grew more passionate, Sam backed away.

"What's the matter?" Freddie was confused. "Is something wrong?"

"No, it's just that I don't wanna get too amped up. Carly's still here." Sam nodded at the sleeping girl. "And I'm not ready for anything more than kissing yet."

"I can respect that." Freddie pulled open his sleeping bag. "I love you Sam."

"I love you too, Fred."

* * *

Sam was walking around the studio. _Where are Carly and Freddie?_ The room was cleaned up and the window was open. The afternoon sun shown in. _How long was I asleep?_

"Carly? Freddie?" She called out, looking for her friends. She saw an empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the windowsill. She walked over to throw it out. Activity on the street below caught her eye. EMT's were loading a stretcher into a waiting ambulance. A white sheet covered the victim and a pool of blood could be seen.

_What the hell? Carly?_ Sam ran to the elevator, kicking Spencer's gun. She was just about to hit the button, when the door rolled up.

"What are we gonna do Freddie?" Carly was crying as the elevator opened. "I mean Sam's…"

"Gone." Freddie had the 'thousand yard stare'.

"I'm right here!" Sam yelled. "CARLY! FREDDIE!"

"I wish I could've done something." Carly wailed. Sam noticed that Carly was almost skeletal in her appearance. As Carly walked around the room, she grew thinner and thinner. Carly finally turned to dust.

"Sam?" A voice said from behind her. A figure in a black robe and hood was standing there.

"NO! I'm alive! I didn't die." She was looking for an escape route. "Spencer stopped me. I'm alive!"

The figure grabbed her shoulders, "Wake up, Sam."

She snapped awake. Her breathing was coming in ragged gasps. Freddie was sitting there in front of her. Carly was getting some water for her.

"Where…?" Sam's eyes darted around. "Am I alive?"

"Yes." Carly handed her the bottle of water. "You wanna talk about it?"

"You were screaming our names." Freddie looked concerned.

"Give me a minute." Sam went to the bathroom and splashed some water on her face. "It was the day of… my suicide, and… Spencer didn't stop me. I watched them load my body… into the ambulance and you two," Sam drank some of the water. "You two were crying up here, but Carly, you were like a skeleton, then you blew away." Sam looked at her. "You wanna tell me something?"

"No." She answered too quickly.

"No secrets. We ankle shook."

"Okay, I may have lost some weight." Carly replied, with a flippant tone.

Freddie looked just as concerned. "Whatta you weigh now?"

"You don't ask a woman her weight." Carly tried to deflect the question.

"How much?" Sam repeated. She saw the look in Sam's eyes. Carly could tell that they were not gonna stop.

"70 pounds. I weigh 70 pounds."

"Why?" Sam asked. "Are you mental?"

"I felt really bad when you were in the hospital, and I wasn't really hungry." Carly wiped her eyes. "Then when I heard about all the shit you went through and I thought about how good I had it. I started to punish myself. I never asked if you needed help! I was a lousy friend!" Carly shivered. "Can I have a blanket?"

"Lemme see your arm." Sam asked, as she got a blanket.

"Why?" Carly held her arm out.

"I've had chicken wings with more meat than this." Sam looked at her friend. "You need help."

"I can handle this…" Carly looked at her.

"That's what I said, too. Look where that got me." Sam hugged her. "It'll be okay. Stop punishing yourself. It wasn't your fault, that I was a drunk."

"Carly?" Freddie spoke up. "Remember what you said to Sam in the hospital?" He slid a piece of pizza to her. "Now, you have to fight for your life."

"I won't wait; I'll pull you outta your casket and kick your ass." Sam looked her square in the eyes.

"I'm still full from earlier." Her eyes told a different story.

"Eat it." Sam ordered.

"Okay." Carly ate the slice, and Sam refilled her plate. She ate two more slices.

"Now, do you feel better?"

"Yeah, I do. Not just the pizza." Carly started to cry. "What am I gonna tell Spencer?"

"The truth." She heard Spencer's voice. "I heard yelling, what happened?"

"When Sam was in the hospital, I wasn't really hungry, and then. …" Carly started to sob. "How did I get so messed up?" She looked at her friends. "You all hate me now, right?"

"No!" Freddie almost yelled. "I'm sorry. I'm just a little hyped right now?"

"You're going to the doctor." Spencer picked up the phone and made an appointment.

"I'm sorry Sam, I ruined your welcome home party." She started to shiver again. "I'm cold."

"You got no meat on you." Sam grabbed another blanket. "Go warm up some chicken soup."

"The doctor's office opens at 8, that's about an hour. The call center said to bring you in as soon as it opens."

"I don't deserve friends like you." Carly whispered. "I'm not worth it."

"Shay, you say something stupid like that again, and I'll grab my butter-sock and get swingy on you."

Spencer cut in, "Sam, I accidentally cooked your butter-sock. I thought it was Mrs. Benson's fish loaf."

Sam groaned, "Man, that was my favorite sock."

"It did taste like fish."

"You ate my butter-sock!"

"Just a piece." He turned his head and mumbled, "Or two."

"Is that the white stuff in the one bowl?" Carly asked.

"Yeah, why did I refrigerate a sock?"

"Because, you're Spencer."

* * *

"Well, Carly, you're about half of what you should weigh. You need to be really careful right now. You're so malnourished that the common cold could kill you."

The family doctor told her and Spencer. "I'm going to give you a list of supplements to take. I also want you to start eating better and more. An average girl your age needs about 2500 to 3000 calories a day. I want you to be eating around 5000 or 6000."

"That's a lot of food." Carly said.

"Not a lot of junk food either. I suggest a lot of proteins: chicken, meat, peanut butter, fish, and pastas, anything you like. I also recommend, instead of trying to gorge yourself on a few big meals, try snacking all day. I wanna see you back in one month and you should be between 90-100 pounds by then."

"Thank you, Dr. Sloan." Carly looked like she was going to cry.

"Carly, you're not the first young lady to see me for under-eating. Sadly, you won't be the last either. But, you have something many of these girls don't have."

"What's that?"

"A good support system. Your friends and family will help you get through this."


	5. Chapter 5

See chapter 1 for the full disclaimer.

"Hey Spencer." Sam looked nervous. "Can we talk?"

"What's on your mind?"

"I wanna go shopping with Carly, but…"

"Sure, I called the school and she's off today."

"Thanks, but I, um, I don't have any money."

"Oh, Sorry." He pulled a debit card out and handed it to her. "Forgot to give this to you."

Sam saw her name on it. "You got me a debit card?"

"It's to your account. I started it after the court hearing. I sold a few of my pieces and deposited the money. The savings has about $4000, and the checking has $2000."

"That's too much. I don't deserve that."

"You need new clothes and girlie stuff, right. There's a dresser and bed on order. By the time that gets here I should have you room cleared out."

Sam started to tear up, "I don't know what to say, no one's ever been this nice to me."

"Just make sure Carly eats today. Okay?"

"Sure." She hugged him. "I still know how to eat."

* * *

The pair started at Target, Sam said she hated malls. They ended up spending about $450 on clothes and shoes. She also picked up some soap, shampoo and other stuff she needed. As they loaded Carly's used Honda; Sam spotted another store.

"Hey, you got that list of pills from the doctor?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because I know some of the people at that GNC, they should have what you need."

The girls walked into the shop and were greeted by a mountain of muscle.

"Welcome to GNC. Sam, I didn't recognize you. You look really good."

"Hey, Steve. This is Carly, she needs some vitamins and stuff. Can you hook her up?" She handed him the list.

"Yeah, I got all this stuff. Where you been. I ain't seen you in months?"

"Florida, I was in rehab." Sam looked at the older man; "I just couldn't take mom and her shit anymore and …Let's just leave it at that."

"I understand." Steve really did understand. "If you ever need anything Sam, my door's open."

"Thanks, I just needed to get my head on straight."

"That'll be $214.83." Carly pulled out her card. "Sign here please. You two have a good day."

"Thanks Steve."

"Where do you know him from?" Carly asked as they took the bags to the car.

"He used to be my neighbor." Sam's stomach growled. "Let's hit the Red Robin and get some burgers. My treat."

"All right, I am hungry." Carly answered.

After they were seated and orders taken, Sam looked at Carly. "I want to go to one more store, and promise you won't laugh."

"Okay, which one?" Carly sipped her Peach Tea.

"Victoria's Secret." Sam said quickly.

Carly did a perfect spit-take with her tea. "What!"

"I want to get some of that frilly, lacy underwear." Sam looked around and lowered her voice; "The really nice stuff that boys like to see you in, then wanna get you outta."

"Why, who's… Oh my God." Carly started to yell. "You're gonna…"

"Shhhhh! I don't wanna announce it to the whole restaurant."

"Are you ready for that?"

"Yeah, I am." Sam had changed. "Now eat your onion rings before I do."

"Hey, you got your own stack, leave mine alone."

"Who had the Sautéed Mushroom burger?" The waitress asked, holding two platters.

"Here." Carly moved her onion ring stack to the side.

"And a Blackened Bayou burger." She put Sam's burger down. "Can I get you ladies anything else?"

"Two chocolate shakes please." Sam silenced Carly with a look. After the waitress left, "You need the calories, besides you love milkshakes."

"Thank you, Sam." Carly wiped her eyes. "What did I ever do to deserve a friend like you? I'm a screwed up mess."

"No more screwed up then I was. I don't have that many friends, so I need to keep the ones I have."

"You know you can't get rid of me or Freddie." As they ate their burgers, Carly filled her in on the latest school news. "Oh, by the way, I heard that Briggs and Howard were planning something to get you in trouble. So watch out in those classes."

"I retook the placement tests while I was in treatment and got out of remedial classes completely." Sam pulled out a piece of paper. "I actually scored high enough to get into Honors English."

"Cool, what was the difference?"

"My meds. I'm able to slow down and think about stuff now. It's like I knew all the answers before, but I couldn't think right. It's really nice to be smart, not smart-ass."

"Still, watch your back around them. Howard almost got Freddie kicked off the football team for helping you." Carly averted her eyes.

"What did he do to you?" There was a familiar edge to her voice.

"Briggs gives me detention almost everyday." Carly had never been in trouble, just that one time to do the 50th web-cast.

"That little toad." Sam's face was turning red.

"Sam, you're getting all red." Sam took a deep breath. "Just watch out when you come back to school. You're got a chance at something good."

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Depends, how personal?"

"Where would I go to get some **grooming** done?" Sam emphasized grooming.

"Why can't you just…" She noticed Sam's sideways glance, "Oh, that grooming. Most of the day spas will do a waxing, hurts like hell though."

"Really? You know this how." Carly just looked at her. "You?"

"Yeah. I just like it that way." Carly finished her shake. "Are you really sure this is what you want?"

"Yes. I've thought about it a lot and this is what I want." She sipped her shake. Sam smiled, "I want Freddie."

"I'm just worried that when you and Freddie…" Carly was trying to phrase this as nicely as possible.

"You think I'll have a flashback to Simon and beat the hell outta Freddie?"

"Yeah, I don't wanna see you rush into something and get hurt and ruin your friendship with Freddie."

"I thank you for your concern, but I spent a lot of time in therapy talking about the rape," Carly could not believe how calm Sam was talking about this. "I want love and affection and all that. Rape is about power; Simon only had the power cause he drugged me. Freddie cares about me. Last night, after you passed out in your beanbag, Freddie and I kissed for like 5 minutes. I mean **kissed**. Then I stopped, I told Freddie that I wasn't ready to get too serious and he didn't get mad or try anything."

"Well then, we have some shopping to do. You are gonna knock his socks off when we get done."

"Thank you. You gonna eat that pickle?"

"Mine." Carly snapped playfully at Sam.

* * *

"Hello party people." The two ladies yelled.

"This is the First annual iCarly karaoke night." Carly led off. "Freddie, our awesome Tech producer, set up a screen here so we can see the words."

"Plus, he's rigged the green screen to play movies and stuff while we sing. We won't be able to see those, but you will."

"Now, before the show started, we drew numbers and my brother, Spencer, will start our show."

"Then I'll rock it out." Sam shouted. "Whoooo!"

"Then, Freddie will take the stage, and I'll finish the show." Carly smiled. "Between us, we selected some viewer clips."

"And when the show's over, you at home can vote for who you thought the best was." She pulled out a cheap plastic microphone; it had been painted gold. "The winner will get this lovely trophy."

"Spencer, the stage is yours." The pair moved out of the shot.

A heavy bass thumped through the speakers as Spencer walked out in a black suit and strange hat. He was also sporting a long fake beard. He started rapping.

"As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain…"

Standing next to Freddie, Carly whispered, "Can they hear us?"

"No, only that Mic is live."

Sam watched Spencer continue to rap about churning butter and milking cows. "What is this?"

"Weird Al's 'Amish Paradise'."

"I should have guessed."

As he finished, Carly and Sam returned to the floor. "Give it up for Spencer!"

"Now, here's a clip from Paige in Columbus, Ohio." Freddie started playback.

"All right, here's Sam with, what she calls 'The song of her life.'" Carly handed her the wireless Mic.

A guitar melody started and Sam clapped the beat. She belted out the first verse and hit the chorus:

"_UP-UP-UP-  
Can only go up from here  
UP-UP-UP-  
Where the clouds gonna clear  
UP-UP-UP-  
No where to go but up from here"_

She danced around the set like she was giving a concert to thousands of fans. When the song ended, Sam was sweaty, but laughing.

"That was fantastic!" Carly hugged her. "What made you pick that song?"

"Well, when you hit rock bottom, there's only one way to go, UP!" Sam nearly shouted, "Now, I'm gonna help Freddie set up his tripod while you watch this video from Sara from Manhattan."

Freddie looked nervous in front of the camera; this was not his preferred spot. Sam saw this and started talking to him.

"Why'd you pick this song?"

"It's from the last movie my dad and I watched together, 'Highlander'. He loved that movie. I just think the song is so powerful."

"Okay, this is Freddie with 'Who wants to live forever."

The hauntingly sad score began; Freddie crooned.

"_There's no time for us  
__There's no place for us  
__What is this thing that builds our dreams  
__Yet slips away from us…"_

Carly had never heard Freddie sing before, but was moved. She looked at Sam to say something, but stopped; Sam had tears running down her face.

"It's just so beautiful." Sam whispered.

Carly could only nod. He had taken the song and transformed it into something more; they couldn't explain it, but there was magic in his voice.

Freddie was in his own world, only he and the song existed.

"_But touch my tears with your lips  
Touch my world with your fingertips  
And we can have forever  
And we can love forever  
Forever is our today  
Who wants to live forever  
Who wants to live forever?  
Forever is our today."_

As he finished, Sam and Carly walked into the shot.

"I never knew you could sing." Carly was shocked. "How am I gonna follow that?"

He looked at the camera; "This is Elisa from Austin, Texas." He pushed the button on his belt remote and started the playback of the viewer clip.

Sam punched him in the arm, "That' for making me cry." She kissed him, "That's for making me feel it."

As the clip ended, Carly was alone on stage. "Welcome back, I have the honor of closing the show, this is 'Leave it all to me' by Miranda Cosgrove." The bubble gum pop started.

_"I know you see  
__Somehow the world will change for me  
__And be so wonderful_…"

After she finished, Carly was joined by the others to end the show.

"That's all we have this week, remember to vote for your favorite performance by midnight Pacific Time Tuesday night." Sam was still pumped from the singing. "And I just wanna thank all the 'iCarly' viewers who sent in e-mails and notes and posts. I just wanna thank you all for taking me back. Especially the three people right here."

* * *

"Spencer?"

"Something bothering you, Carly?" Spencer was watching 'Lethal Weapon 4' in his room.

"I let Sam and Freddie have the room for a while, and I didn't want to be alone." Carly sat on his bed, and started to cry. "I'm sorry Spencer."

"For what?"

"For starving myself and making you kill yourself." She threw herself face down on the bed. "I feel like I need to be punished."

"What are you talking about?" Spencer paused his movie. "You didn't make me kill myself."

"Mrs. Benson told me about how Dad left and Grandpa Malone would always yell at you…" She felt her chest tighten. Carly took some slow breaths; she didn't want to have another attach, the inhaler left a bad taste.

"And did she tell you how you would wait by the door for me?" Spencer handed her a Kleenex. "You were the one good spot in my life."

"Thanks." Carly looked up. "Am I crazy?"

"No, you just really care about the people in your life." Spencer rose from his chair. "How about some sundaes to go with this movie?"

"Okay." Carly smiled. "Have you started a new sculpture?"

"No, but I did enroll in school."

"Which one?"

"University of Washington, College of Law." Spencer scooped two bowls of ice cream.

"You're going back to law school?"

"Yeah, being in the court room; helping Sam. It made me want to do something great with my life."

"You tell dad yet?"

"I left a message. Apparently, submarines don't get cell reception."

"Not really, they're underwater."

After they loaded up their bowls, Spencer started the movie again. "Watch what Jet Li does here. This is so cool." Carly watched the smaller man tore Mel Gibson's gun in half.

"That's gotta be fake." Carly rolled her eyes. The sundae was delicious.

"Ask Sam about it." Spencer said. "That's how I stopped her."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Once you know how to do it, it's easy."

* * *

"All alone." Sam grinned, then leaned in to kiss Freddie. His kiss was soft and inviting. Slowly, it grew more passionate. Their tongues were intertwined. His hands roamed over her body, not randomly, but not lingering too long either. He slid his hands under her shirt and broke their kiss long enough to remove it. Thinking quickly, Sam pulled his tee shirt off. Though Freddie had 75 pounds and 10 inches on her, Sam pushed him onto the bed.

"You look fantastic." Freddie breathed, looking up at Sam. He sat up and pulled her to him. She straddled his lap as the pair resumed their kiss.

_This is Freddie, he won't hurt me._ Sam thought as his hands found the clasp of her bra.

"Did you bring 'em?" Sam asked, as Freddie caressed her nipples with his thumbs. _God, he's turning me on!_

"Jacket pocket." Freddie removed his hands long enough to grab his coat and get the condoms from it. He rolled back over and saw Sam had shed her pants; she was wearing a pair of Victoria's Secret panties.

Freddie admired the black silk bikinis. They fit her like a second skin. Slowly, he stood, reached for her.

"I wanted my first time to be special, so I bought these. You like?"

"Very much." She sank to her knees. Freddie felt her unsnapping his pants, Sam pulled too hard and his boxers came took one of the Trojans and carefully unrolled it onto Freddie. She was nervous, excited, and scared; but determined. She slid her panties off and took Freddie's member in her hand. He could sense her nervousness.

"We can stop if you want." She knew he would if she asked.

"No, it's just…You're my first and I'm nervous."

"Then maybe we should get you relaxed." He rolled her onto her back and slid down her body.

"Oooohh." She moaned as Freddie ran his tongue the length of her slit. He slowly teased her clit out of its hood. "Oh yeah… just like that!" Sam said in a throaty whisper. "Right there." _He's not human._ Sam gripped the sheets as she thrust her hips into Freddie's face. She felt his hands roam over her body. She had pleasured herself many times, but this was a new experience. One of her hands had moved by itself to her nipple and pinched the hard nub. "Oh Freddie, I gonna cum." She shouted. She grabbed his head and pressed it tight against her mound. As the orgasm ripped through her, Sam literally saw stars. Freddie didn't stop after the first and quickly worked her into a second and then a third.

"No…more." Sam breathed. "Can't take any more."

Freddie looked concerned. "I'm sorry."

"For what. That was the best!"

"I thought I hurt you."

"In a fabulous way." She pulled him towards her. "Now, I want you to make love to me."

Freddie eased into her, her face contorting at the pressures. When he was all the way in, he paused, then withdrew. He began a rhythm; slow at first, then as the pleasure built so did his pace. He didn't last long. Sam saw the look of enjoyed pain on his face, then Freddie slowly collapsed next to her.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't…" Sam silenced him with a finger.

"Fred, that was better than anything I could've dreamed of." She snuggled tight. She kissed him softly, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He wrapped his arms around her. Through his post-sex haze, Freddie swore she was crying. "You okay?"

"Yeah, for the first time in years." Sam had a smile on her face. Her tears were those of joy. "You can't know how messed up I was after…Simon." Even his name made her skin crawl. "Well, you saw what I was ready to do. You never gave up on me." Sam kissed him, "When I was in Florida, I would go to the cologne displays, and try to find your smell."

"English Leather."

"I know, but it still wasn't quite the same. You make it special." She took a deep breath. "I love that smell."

"I love you, Sam Puckett." Freddie kissed her tenderly.

Their night was interrupted by a shriek of pure terror.


	6. Chapter 6

See chapter 1 for the full disclaimer.

Carly sat up on the couch; sweat dripping from her face, breaths coming in quick pants.

"SPECKER! SPECKER!" She called out in a child-like voice. She was crying uncontrollably. She looked around the apartment like she was new there; nothing seemed right. She held her arms out trying to grab anyone.

Spencer ran out of his room, as Freddie and Sam came down the stairs. Carly's screams sounded like she was being attacked.

"Specker here, Carly." He wrapped her in a tight hug. He slowly rocked her, like one would a baby. "Shhhhh, Specker here."

The three of them sat there as Carly finally stopped crying. "It was the worst nightmare ever." Carly said through her tears. "Everything was different, but familiar. Everyone was like 10 feet tall."

"Was there an older man, kinda thin, with a white goatee?" Spencer asked, praying she said no.

"Sorta, there was this like demon Santa Claus; he had fanged teeth and claws. Who was he? And why was he yelling at the paramedics to leave you?"

"Shit, you remembered." Spencer put his face in his hands. "She remembered."

"What did I remember?" Spencer just sat there, his face still in his hands. Carly was getting scared, "Spencer, WHAT THE FUCK DID I REMEMBER?"

Hearing her swear like that snapped him back to the present. "The man was Grandpa Malone, you were only 4 when he died. The reason he was yelling was he didn't care if I lived. He always saw me as a waste of good space. You weren't even 3 yet, He stopped in unannounced and started yelling about how messy the house was and how tired you looked and anything else he could find."

"You don't need to say anything else." Carly took his hand.

"You need to know the whole story." He looked at Freddie, "Why don't you go grab that bag of cookies, some cups and the milk. This is gonna take awhile."

Freddie went to the kitchen, while Sam sat next to Carly. She looked at Sam, "Sorry to ruin your night." She started to tear up again.

"You didn't ruin it." Sam hugged her. Whispering, "Might have postponed round two a little." Sam grinned, "You have clean sheets, right."

"You are horrible."

"Yeah, but that's why you keep me around."

"Grandpa started yelling, and that woke you up. That's when he started about how tired you looked. I tried to talk to him, but everything was 'Spencer, you're a looser!' 'Spencer, you couldn't raise a loaf of bread let alone my granddaughter!' 'Spencer, this place is a pig-sty!'"

"Why was he so mean?" Carly cut in.

Shaking his head, "I wish I knew for sure. I think it was because He was only 47 when I was born and wasn't ready to be a grandpa. He sort of rejected me."

"He sounds like an asshole." Freddie stated.

"Even so, he was still my grandpa. After mom died, he turned his rage towards Carly." Spencer sipped some milk. "He blamed you for mom's death, and he was wrong to do that."

"What happened to mom?" Carly gripped Sam's hand, she needed her friend.

"She died of complications due to your birth." He looked at the floor. "See you were bigger than I was, nearly 10 pounds, and mom was a small woman. She needed an emergency C-section. We found out later that the doctor who did the operation had nicked an artery. She bled to death the day after you were born. Dad stayed home for awhile, but shipped out just after your first birthday." Spencer got quiet.

"Then what happened?" Sam asked.

"Then, I spent two years in Hell." Spencer took a bite of his cookie. "I was trying to go to school, raise Carly, and everything else. Mrs. Benson would help out when she could, but Grandpa would find fault with everything I did."

"I'm sorry Spencer." Carly tried to comfort him.

"Here's something Mrs. Benson didn't tell you, you were the one that saved my life." Spencer bit into a chocolate chip cookie. "As soon as you were old enough, I taught you how to dial 911. I always said that if something happened, to call and say 'Spencer's hurt.'"

"Really?"

"Yeah, so you saw the blood on my arm and called." He wiped his eyes. "I can still hear your little voice, 'Specker hurt, Specker Hurt."

"Didn't the operator think it was some sort of prank or something?" Sam asked.

"She heard Grandpa in the background saying something like 'You stupid asshole, you're getting blood all over the carpet.' That was enough to send the ambulance."

"I should have told you about this sooner." Spencer looked at Carly, "I was hoping that you wouldn't remember that day."

"Did I ever get your blood on me?"

"Yeah, on your hands, why?"

"In my nightmare, I had it on my dress."

"You weren't wearing a dress." Spencer said, "I had a set of Winnie the Pooh sleepers on you."

After a few minutes and half the bag of cookies, "How is it we ended up like this?" Carly asked, not sure if she wanted the answer.

"Somehow, events just played out that we would meet the people we needed when we needed them." Spencer drained his glass. "If I had died, Sam would have killed herself and then you would have starved to death. Freddie, you have a secret?"

"Other than dating Sam, I'm normal."

She punched him, "See if I give you any more love." Sam said in a joking tone.

"Ouch, I'm gonna spank your naughty little ass for that."

Sam just looked at him; grinning "Don't promise what you can't deliver."

"TMI PEOPLE!" Spencer yelled. "What you do in Carly's bed is your business."

"That sounds soooooo wrong." Carly laughed.

* * *

"Alright, have the results of last week's voting." Carly held up a folded piece of paper. "No surprise. Freddie blew us all away." Sam handed him the 'Trophy'

"Way to go. Sam finished second, Spencer was a close third, and I just stunk the place up." Carly looked a little sad.

"Your singing wasn't that bad, your choice of music just sucked." Sam tried to cheer her up.

"Gee, that makes me feel a whole lot better."

"It does, have you looked at your CD collection?"

"I like my CD collection."

* * *

After the show ended, there was a chat request.

"Hello iCarly." Came the terse greeting.

"Whatta you want, Nevel?" Freddie was ready to close the chat.

"I wouldn't do that Freddie. I saw your little sing-along and decided I wanted to make a video." He pulled a tape out of his desk. "Oh, wait. I already have one; and it stars Sam."

"What did you say?" Carly looked at the laptop screen.

"Let me put you up on the big screen." Freddie hit some keys and Nevel's image moved to the larger screen.

"I'll make this short and sweet." Nevel looked at the group. "I have a tape that I know Sam doesn't want on the Internet. You shut down 'iCarly', turn over the URL to me, and Carly spends the night. In the morning, I give her the tape and that's the end of it."

Sam didn't know what he was talking about, "What's on that tape?"

"A little home movie Simon made."

Sam turned pale and stared at the screen, "What's on that tape?" She repeated.

"I pulled this clip, enjoy." The scene switched to an image of Sam being pawed and stripped by a man. Her protests could be heard and she was trying to fight him off.

"If my demands aren't met by 10:00PM tonight, 90 minutes from now, I spam this to every news group and porn site I can find. TA-TA." Nevel closed the connection.

"What are we going to do?" Freddie asked.

"Take 'iCarly' down. Put up a message about doing maintenance or something. I'll get ready to go to Nevel's." Freddie started to take their web-site down.

"NO!" Sam yelled. "You are not going to whore yourself out to protect me."

"I won't let him post that video of you getting raped."

"He won't. Freddie all incoming messages are recorded, right?"

"Yeah, for future playback." He started to think, "And the people have to agree to this."

"Then copy that message to a CD and call the police and tell them that you have a rape victim. Carly, your Uncle Roger is in town, right?"

"Yes, but what can he do?"

"Call him and see if he can get some volunteers to storm a house. If we do this right, we can shut down and ship Simon in one swoop."

"The police are on the way. I told them about the video." Freddie was closing his cell phone. "My Second cousin's dad is a judge, you want me to call him and get some warrants?"

"Hell Yes!"

"I just got off the phone with Uncle Roger, he said that the entire Company volunteered and is on stand-by."

"How many solider is that?" Sam didn't know much about the military.

"About 150."

"Carly," They heard Spencer's voice, "The police are here. Should I be worried?"

"Only if your name is Simon or Nevel." Sam shouted back, "Send them up."


	7. Chapter 7

See chapter 1 for the full disclaimer.

"There's no way we can get a warrant by that deadline." The DA said.

Freddie walked in waving a paper; "I got one. Tell Roger to be ready to hit that house in 10 minutes, let's go." He grabbed his laptop. "You need to make me a tech specialist or something; I'm the only one that can stop him from spamming that video."

"Give him a badge." The DA motioned to a cop.

* * *

"Carly, are you sure that you wanna do this?" The cop was taping a wire to her back.

"Sam's my friend. Do you think I need a bullet proof vest?"

"You think he has a gun?"

"I would rather be paranoid."

He handed her a vest. "Be careful and let him do all the talking."

"You guys remember the code word?"

"**Dippity Doo."**

"Just be ready to hit that door."

Roger walked over; "I got 150 Marines on stand-by." He lowered his voice. "After I told them what this guy did, they were ready to launch an air strike."

"A little much, but I like their thinking." Sam joked, secretly she wished for an air strike.

Carly knocked on the door; her watch showed 9:50.

"Hello there Carly. I didn't think that you would show." Nevel stepped to the side to allow her in. "I figured that Sam would make some sort of desperate plea to my better side to spare you. Shows how much of a friend she is."

"You don't have better side. Can we just get down to business." Carly had been briefed on what to say. "You have the tape?"

"Yes, and you will get it tomorrow morning."

"How do I know that you haven't copied it and plan on spamming it out anyway?"

"I did copy it, but give you my word that I will delete it tomorrow."

"And you expect me to trust you?"

"You have no choice." Nevel smirked, "I'm holding all the cards."

"Then I think we need to reshuffle the deck." Carly knew what she needed to do. _"_DIPPITY DOO!" She threw herself face down onto the couch. Nevel didn't have time to comprehend anything; every door and window on the first floor exploded in as 30 Marines stormed the house.

"Nevel Papperman?" The only man not carrying a rifle asked,

"Yes." He saw several guns pointed at him.

"You are under arrest for conspiracy to distribute underage pornography, accessory to rape after the fact, soliciting prostitution and blackmail. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in court. If you do not have a lawyer, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand your rights as I have explained them to you?"

"Yes, sir." Nevel drew in a deep breath, "DAD!"

"What is it?' An overweight man asked, walking down the stairs. Several men pointed their weapons at him. "Nevel, is there something I should know about?'

"Your son is under arrest for blackmail, and conspiracy to distribute underage pornography among other charges. Are you his father?"

"Yes, and a lawyer." He held out his hand. "Let me see your papers."

"I have an order to check all computers in the house for the video; is there anyone else here?"

"My wife is upstairs."

"My Technical specialist will be here in a moment. He will check all computers in the house."

"Not my work one."

"The warrant is for all."

"I wanna watch him, to make sure he doesn't see something he shouldn't"

"Sorry, I was having trouble with my Wi-Fi connection." He walked up. "Hi Nevel." Freddie had to resist the urge to beat the hell outta this nub.

"You'll never get past my firewall."

"Bet me." Freddie handed a $10 bill to Roger then opened up his laptop and took a deep breath; centering himself. He tapped a key on his computer, starting playback of a heavy metal CD and quietly counted down "3-2-1."

Freddie began typing faster than the group could see. He was in his own world; "Password, I got your password bitch!" Freddie dismantled Nevel's security; they heard his system shut down piece by piece.

"You feeling the rue yet?" Freddie never looked at Nevel. They couldn't hear the answer. "Nevel?"

"Yes." Nevel answered meekly.

Freddie looked at the DA. "I shut down '' and everything he has. I also scanned all the other computers in the house; they're clean."

The DA spoke up, "Nevel, I have a deal for you…"

'No." Sam cut him off, "He gets to suffer just like I did. Simon never offered me a deal."

"Okay." The DA headed for the door, "Bring him down to the station."

"Wait, what's the deal?" Nevel's dad wanted to keep his son out of prison.

Sam spoke up; "You turn over every copy of that tape you have. You shut down '' and never start another site ever and you testify against Simon."

"What do I get?"

"4 Years probation, then we will seal you record. You have until I get to the door to decide." The DA only had to extend his arm to get the doorknob.

"I'll take it." Nevel handed him the tape. "That's the only physical copy I had. The other is in my computer." He headed for his tech-cave.

"I already have that one." Freddie said. "I also shut down your system. is mine."

"That's my site!" He started to protest.

"The deal was you shut it down, you backing out?"

"No sir." He was beaten and he knew it.

Sam looked at Nevel, "When you kick a tiger in the ass, you better have a plan for dealing with their teeth."

* * *

Simon was easier to arrest; he was passed out on the floor. At his arraignment, he took the deal offered; plead guilty to Statutory rape and accessory to distribute pornography and serve 20 years before he could be considered for parole. The judge ordered that he be held until sentencing in three weeks. As they watche the police drive away with Simon, Sam spoke up.

"Freddie, can you drive me somewhere?" Sam looked scared.

"Sure, where?"

"I need to go to see my dad."

* * *

"Hi daddy." Sam hugged the middle-aged man.

"I thought I asked you never to visit me here?" William looked at Freddie, "Who's he?"

"That's Freddie, my boyfriend." Sam smiled. "I needed to ask you something and I wanted to do it in person. If it wasn't this important, I wouldn't be here."

"What is it Sammy?"

"There's a man coming here soon, Simon Langer." Sam had to keep it together, "He raped me."

"Done." He said without blinking.

"NO, That's why I came here. I want you to leave him be." Sam pleaded with her eyes more than her words. "You're up for parole in, like 18 months?"

"15."

"Yeah, and I want my father more than I want revenge." Sam wiped her eyes. "When I get married, I want you to walk me down the isle. I want my kids to know their grandpa. If you didn't have a chance of getting out, I would let you have him, but I want you in my life. Mom signed me over to Spencer and hasn't tried to contact me since then."

"Prison's a rough place, honey. Lots of bad men here."

"I know, but promise me that you won't go looking for him. If he comes at you…" Sam couldn't finish the sentence. "I just want you home." He heard the pain in her voice.

"Alright, As long as I'm here, he's safe."

"Thank you."

* * *

"All rise." The bailiff shouted as Judge Clinton entered.

"Be seated. In the matter of People v. Langer, on the Charges of Statutory rape and intent to distribute underage pornography, how do you plead?"

"Guilty, your honor." The lawyer answered for him.

"Does anyone wish to speak before I pass sentence?"

"I do, your Honor." Sam stood up.

"Come forward young lady." He motioned to the witness stand. "Please state your name for the record."

"Samantha Puckett." Simon leered at her, trying to scare her. "Simon Langer nearly ended my life. After he raped me," Sam glanced at the index card in her hand. "I was sitting on my best friend's window sill, nine stories up with a bottle of sleeping pills, a bottle of whiskey, a gun with one bullet." She looked at him. "I got lucky, I have some of the greatest friends in the world. Then, after I rejected him again, he got someone to threaten me with the release of a tape he made of the rape." Simon looked away, "LOOK AT ME! You don't have the power here, I do! You will listen to me." Sam appeared a little bigger, "I used to hate you, but I've learned that hatred leads nowhere, so after today, I'm going to forget I ever heard the name 'Simon Langer.'" Sam stood up and walked back to her seat. Freddie rose to open the swinging gateway for her. Simon was sitting nearest the isle and lunged at her.

"SAM!" Freddie charged her, pushing her backwards as Simon swung.

Freddie's back flared in white-hot agony; he couldn't breath. He thought he heard firecrackers, then his world faded to black.

"FREDDIE!" Sam scrambled to his side. She saw the silver spike sticking out of his back. She reached for it…

"Stop! That's keeping his lungs sealed." The bailiff pulled her back, gun trained on Simon's unmoving form. "Ambulance is on the way."


	8. Chapter 8

See chapter 1 for the full disclaimer.

Carly walked up next to Sam, who was sitting next to Freddie's bed. He was hooked up to an assortment of machines. The doctor had told them what they all did, but she only cared about the one that beeped. He had said as long as the beeping was steady, he was alive.

"WHERE'S MY FREDWARD?" Mrs. Benson called out as she ran into the ICU.

"Marisa," One of the other nurses grabbed her, "He's in 3."

"Thanks Connie."

"If you need anything…"

"Thank you." She took a breath, "Can you get the attending and do you know if the police got the attacker?"

"The surgeon was Dr. Rayes, but Dr. Kats is the attending." Connie checked the chart. "The attacker is down in the morgue. Bailiff shot him, DRT."

Mrs. Benson merely nodded her head in acknowledgment. She headed for room 3.

She knocked on the doorframe, everyone looked at her. "How's he doing?"

Sam stood and hugged her, "I'm sorry. This is my fault." Sam broke down. "He pushed me outta the way and got stabbed."

"Because he loves you." Marisa held her. "Freddie loves you so much."

"I love him too." The pair just held each other, crying over their Fredward.

"I got dinner." Carly was holding a paper bag from the fast food stand in the basement. "Sam?"

"I'm not really hungry." She sat down again, and held Freddie's hand.

Carly put the bag next to her; "You're not going help him if you're passed out from hunger."

"I know. It's just, how can I eat when he's being fed through a tube in his nose?" Sam broke down again.

"Like this." Marisa unwrapped a burger and took a bite; She offered Sam the other burger. It was almost 5 in the evening. She had worked the night shift and unplugged the phone; she didn't get the message until 4 PM.

"How can you eat at a time like this?" Sam could barely keep it together. "Your son's lying here and your stuffing your face!" Sam wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry. I missed my meds this morning and I'm a little hyped up."

"Come on Sam, Let's go get your meds and a burrito." Carly gently tugged on Sam's shoulder.

Sam leaned close to Freddie; "It's your turn to fight. I'll kick your ass right here if you try leaving me." She looked at Marisa, "Call if anything changes."

"I will." She finished her burger. Dr. Kats walked in and started talking to Marisa.

* * *

The two women got into Carly's Honda and drove to the apartment. "I'll warm us some  
Burritos, you go shower."

"Do I smell that bad?"

"No, but I always feel better after a shower. Why you think I stay in there so long?"

"I thought you were Jilling off."

"You got sex on the brain." Carly playfully shoved Sam. "But you're right."

"Uhhhhh, I have to use that shower."

"I had to change my sheets. I still don't know which one of you caused the wet spot."

"You really wanna know?"

"Not really."

"Good." Sam leaned over; "Freddie caused it, but those were my juices."

"I said I didn't want to know!"

* * *

Carly was right, she did feel a little better. The long hot shower had been relaxing. She stood in front of her closet, towel wrapped around her, looking for something to wear. She reached into the back of the closet and touched a familiar item. Grabbing the glass bottle, Sam pulled out the half empty Jack Daniels. _Spencer, you lazy ass._ She thought. Her old memories came back; it would be so easy. Just twist and tip.

"Sam, I got burritos." Carly came in, carrying a plate. Her mood turned serious. "What's that?"

"The bottle I started on your window sill. Spencer must have forgotten where he hid it."

"Whatcha gonna do?"

"I was thinking of how easy it would be, just one sip." She set the bottle on her dresser.

"What's stopping you?"

"Freddie." Sam reached for Carly, "If he found out that I relapsed, it would kill him." Sam looked at her friend. "I have this hole in me, right here," She held her hand over her heart, "and I know that there's not enough booze in the world to fill it." Sam took a deep breath, "The only thing that can fill it is Freddie. I love him so much."

"I know." Carly set the plate down and grabbed the bottle; "I'll get rid of this."

"Thank you. For the burritos, and that, and just…" Sam broke down, "I want Freddie to walk through that door and be okay!"

"He will."

Carly dumped the bottle down the toilet and flushed. She came back to find Sam sitting on her bed crying.

"I wanna hold him, do you know what it's like to wanna hold someone so much that you actually hurt?" Sam held on to Carly. "If I could, I'd trade places with him in a heartbeat."

"He's a fighter. He won't give up." Carly let Sam cry herself out. "Sam?" Carly asked softly.

Sam had fallen asleep.

* * *

Sam was sitting next to Freddie's bed; he was still unconscious. The attending had no reason for this, but still he slept. She had to leave for school soon. "Freddie, me and Carly have to go to school. I'll be back as soon as I can." She squeezed his hand; "I love you." She thought he squeezed back.

"How could you let him get hurt?!" Shannon yelled as Sam walked into school.

"What?"

"You let Freddie take your hit."

"Shannon, you haven't talked to Freddie since that triple date." Carly jumped to Sam's defense.

"Shut up, Shay."

"Let's just go to class." Sam was not in the mood to talk to anyone. "Excuse me." She bumped Shannon getting to her locker.

"Oh, you hit me!"

"Puckett, you're suspended for a week." Howard laughed, "Fighting in school."

"You say that fighting is a weeks suspension?" Carly asked. Briggs nodded. "Hey Shannon." As the girl turned, Carly punched her in the jaw. The crack could be heard down in the gym. "See you next week." Carly shook her swelling hand.

"You okay?" Sam asked, stepping over the fallen Shannon.

"You'll have to drive me to the hospital." Carly couldn't bend two fingers.

"This might hurt." Sam grabbed Carly's middle finger and pulled. The dislocated digit set itself with a pop. Sam repeated this on the ring finger. Carly flexed her hand. "Thanks. You're still driving."

"What happened here?" Principal Franklin asked, seeing Shannon on the floor.

"Briggs and Howard sent Shannon to start a fight with Sam." Ted noticed her swollen hand. "Sam bumped her trying to get to her locker and Howard suspended her for fighting."

"What happened to your hand?"

"She punched Shannon in the jaw and dislocated two fingers. I reset them, and was going to take her to the hospital." Sam stated in a calm tone. He had noticed her change since returning from Florida.

"Just a bump? No shoving?"

"Just a bump." Sam and Carly answered as one.

"Alright, Carly you still have one week, Sam your suspension is reduced to one day." He turned towards the two teachers. "You are suspended pending an investigation into this. Get outta my school." He looked at the girl on the floor. "Someone get the nurse." He would suspend her too, when she woke up.

Sam walked into Freddie's room; Carly was getting her hand checked. She pulled a chair up to his bed and took his hand. "Hey, I got suspended today, Shannon pushed me and Howard suspended me for fighting. Carly punched her in the jaw and dislocated two fingers." Sam waited for the response Freddie couldn't give her. "The other day, you saved me again. No, besides pushing me outta the way. I was getting dressed and found where Spencer had hidden the bottle of whiskey. I was looking at it." She wiped her eyes. "I thought about downing what was left. God knows I wanted to. But I knew that if, no when, you found out that I relapsed, it would kill you. So thank you again."

"Wel-come." Came the weak response. He squeezed her hand slightly.

She started crying and smiling; "YOU'RE AWAKE!!" Sam hugged him tightly.

"What did you say?" Marisa walked in, carrying a bag from the fast food place.

"Hi." Freddie looked at his mom. "What I miss?"

* * *

A/N The next update may take some time. I only got to here, but have alot more planned for these guys.


	9. Chapter 9

18 Months later

* * *

"Alright, as we've been telling you for awhile now, this week's show will be the last regularly scheduled iCarly. We start college in a few weeks and don't know when we'll be able to do a show." Carly repeated the message. "So that means you voted on what you thought were the best clip from iCarly ever."

"We've done over 300 shows, so there had to be something you liked." Sam piped in, "Or your just some obsessed looser."

"We'll be counting down the top 20 moments as picked by you, our viewers." Carly was smiling on the outside, but torn up on the inside. "Starting off our countdown is…

The two mugged the camera, "Messing with Lewbert!"

Freddie played the clip of the exploding muffin basket. Carly shuddered at the scene.

"What's the matter? Still feel bad about blowing Lewbert up?" Sam asked.

"No, I was thinking about his wart landing on my shoe. I loved those shoes."

"Now, back to the countdown."

They showed the viewers pick and some of their favorite moments. Finally, they reached the top two spots.

"And the second favorite bit was…" Sam announced, "Karaoke night!"

Freddie had cued the clip of Sam singing, splitting the screen with the live shot. Sam was blushing a little bit. "Who's idea was that anyway?"

"Yours." Carly and Freddie both answered.

"This final clip, on the final iCarly, was the runaway favorite; getting over a million votes. Including mine." Carly stood next to Sam. "Freddie, roll the clip."

The playback started; Sam was wearing a dress and looked scared. "My name is Sam Puckett and I'm an alcoholic."

Sam looked like she was going to cry, "I've been reading letters you viewers sent in about that clip; I'm glad that it helped some of you. On the bright side, I'm still sober and going to college. Who'd of thunk it?"

"We knew you could, you just needed some help." Freddie had switched to the tripod-mounted camera for the final shot. He joined the two women on stage.

"Now, for the last time, my brother Spencer will play us out on his little banjo."

Spencer walked out, strumming his banjo.

"And we're clear." Freddie announced. "All good things…"

"Yeah, Maybe a Christmas special?" Carly was barely holding it together. "I feel like part of me is gone now."

"What about your drunk sidekick?"

"Or your tech-nerd?"

Carly started to laugh through her tears. "You two…" They gathered for a group hug. Sam finally said something, "Who's hand is on my ass?"

"You want me to move it?" Freddie asked. Then kissed her.

"Let's get some smoothies?"

* * *

January, 3 Years later

"Sam!" Carly yelled from the bathroom.

"You better not want me to get you some TP." Sam was cooking breakfast for the three of them. All were seniors at Washington State's Seattle campus. She and Freddie were engaged; Carly had a steady boyfriend, but they weren't thinking about marriage. Freddie was studying computer sciences; Carly was working on a degree in broadcast journalism. Sam had surprised them both by majoring in criminal justice. She had an appointment to the police academy after graduation.

"What is it?" Sam was hungry.

Carly held up a home pregnancy test, she started to cry. "What am I gonna do?"

Sam took the plastic stick and checked it again. It clearly read 'Pregnant'. "You need a blood test at the doctor's. Then tell Kyle."

"I mean about school and everything else." Carly was getting worked up.

"Take a deep breath or your gonna have an attack."

"I'm a little freaked out right now!" Carly yelled. "Sorry." She looked at the floor.

"It's cool. You do need to see your doctor though."

"How could this happen?"

"Well, one night Kyle got aroused and then…" Sam tried to joke.

"I know **how** it happened, I mean how is it that I get knocked up while you and Freddie are humping like mad rabbits? We've only had sex like three times."

"First off, we don't have sex every time; there are other," Sam gave a wicked grin. "Options. Second, he always has a rubber on, no matter what we do. I have an IUD in."

"A what?"

"Inter-uterine device. I got it after I was in rehab. It's this little 'T' shaped thing the doctor puts in you and it makes so I only have like four periods a year."

"I could have used that earlier."

"I told you about it at your last appointment."

* * *

"How far are you?" Kyle sounded unconcerned. "So, you think we should get married or what?"

"Doctor said about 4 or 5 weeks. Sounds like a good idea. Just something simple." Carly was slightly nauseous.

"Courthouse. You, me, Sam, Fred."

"Spencer too."

"I can't wear a ring. Union rules." Kyle was an apprentice electrician; one of the rules was no jewelry.

"I'll just get a set at Wal-Mart or something." Carly wanted him to have one, even if he couldn't wear it.

* * *

The newly-weds settled into Kyle's apartment and began making plans for the baby. Sam came over daily; something about Kyle didn't sit well with her. It had only been three weeks since Carly had found out she was pregnant, but she wasn't slowing down.

"How you feeling?"

"Little queasy, stomach's hurting too." Carly looked paler than usual.

"You're staying home today." Sam set her backpack down and walked over to Carly. "You need to rest."

"The doctor said that I could keep my normal routine." Carly tried to push past Sam. "I have to go to class, I have a midterm next week."

"On one condition; after class, you come back and relax for the rest of the night. Kyle can cook you dinner tonight."

"I thought you were my friend?" Carly looked pained; "Kyle burns water. He can barely cook ramen noodles."

"Alright, I'll bring you dinner, but you're taking it easy."

"Alright." Carly knew she was not going to win this argument.

"You had breakfast yet?"

"No, I spent half the morning puking."

"Gross, how about a bagel?"

"I think I might be able to keep that down."

As they walked to the counter at the Tim Horton's, Carly felt a twinge in her abdomen. _Oh Shit!_ She thought as she doubled over in pain.

"Carly!"

"She okay?" The manager asked.

"The…" Carly couldn't speak. She felt wetness in her pants. _I peed myself._

"The baby?" Sam asked. Carly could only grunt as another spasm hit. "Call 911. She needs an ambulance."

Carly felt her vision tunneling, noises dissipating. She could see Sam crying; but couldn't hear it. Sam looked so far away. As the blackness crept in, her last thought was of her unborn child.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Most of the Characters are made up, but the Chief of Police in Seattle Washington really is named Diaz. I looked it up on-line.**

Her eyelids were heavy, her thoughts sluggish; finally, Carly found her voice. "Where…" She tried to sit up, but had no strength.

Sam was in the chair next to her bed. "Carly, you're awake. How you feeling?"

"What happened? We were getting bagels and…" Carly remembered the horrid pain. She likened it to having a hot fork shoved into her gut then twisted.

"The doctor will explain everything." Sam hurried out of the room.

_Doctor?_ Carly slowly got her bearings; she was in a hospital room, hooked to an IV. The pain in her abdomen had lessened to a dull ache.

"I'm Dr. Kendal, How are you feeling, Miss Shay?"

"Sore. What happened?" She was getting worked up, "Is my baby okay?"

The doctor pulled up the chair; "You had a miscarriage."

Carly shook her head, "NO! My baby just can't be gone!" She was having trouble breathing.

Dr. Kendal pulled a syringe from his pocket and injected it into her IV line. "Just a little something to calm you down." Carly soon felt the effects; she fought to stay awake.

"Why?"

"I don't know. Could have been any number of reasons." He could almost read her mind. "There was nothing that you did wrong or could have done different. This was going to happen no matter what."

"Was it a boy or girl?"

"It was too undeveloped to tell." He checked her vitals and made some notes on her chart. "If you need anything, let the staff know."

"I want my baby." Carly was beyond grief. "I want…" Sleep overtook her.

* * *

"How is she?" Spencer was in the waiting area with Freddie.

"She handled the news about as well as one could expect." He looked at Freddie. "You can see your wife tomorrow, I had to give her something to calm down."

"I'm not the father." He glanced at Sam, who was raiding the vending machines. "Carly's husband's working."

"I would think this is more important." Dr. Kendal remarked, "She should be here for another day or two, then bed rest at home for a few more days."

"Thanks." Spencer was trying to figure out how and what to tell their dad.

"From past experiences with young women who miscarry, She's going to need your help."

"Whatever she needs, we'll get her." Spencer answered.

"Anyone seen Kyle?" Sam was loaded with snacks and pops.

"I called his cell, the house, texted him, called his supervisor, the dispatcher." Freddie looked at Sam. "He's just not answering."

Sam looked at the doors separating the waiting area from the patient rooms, then at Freddie. "What if that was me in there?" She reached for him as she started to tear up.

"I'd be in there with you." He took her hand. "Just like we're gonna be there for her." His cell phone rang. "Hello, hell yeah, I've been trying to get a hold of you. No, I don't wanna grab a beer! I'm at the hospital, Carly's here. She lost the baby… Your baby, you dumb ass! Visiting hours end in about 45 minutes, but I think they would let you stay in the room…Definitely not! I just thought you would want to know what was going on with your wife!" Freddie slammed his phone shut. He was turning red and clenching his fist tight. "I swear, if I have to talk to him again…"

"Why? What did he say?"

"First he asked 'whose baby?' Then when I said that the staff might let him stay in the room with her he asked, 'you think she'll be in the mood?'"

"You're making that up." Sam was hoping he was.

"Hollywood couldn't make this shit up."

* * *

Carly was discharged a few days later; mentally, she was still at the bagel shop.

Spencer drove her home; "I took the rest of the week off. Fortunately, I don't have any cases at the moment."

Carly just stared out the window. She was holding it together, until they passed a group of women. One was pregnant, two had strollers. "Why?"

"Why what?" Spencer was concentrating on the road. He had used his bonus to buy the mid-sized SUV and was still learning how it handled.

"Why my baby?" Carly hadn't dealt with her lose yet. "Does this mean I was gonna be such a bad mother that I shouldn't have kids?"

Spencer pulled into the parking lot and shut the car off. "No, just that for whatever reason, that baby wasn't meant to be. The doctor said that you can still have kids." He gently pulled her over and kissed the top of her head. "You know I'm here if you need anything."

"Thanks Spencer." She looked at the apartment building she and Kyle shared. "Can you carry my bag up?"

"Sure, I ordered us some Chinese for lunch?"

"I'm not really hungry." He knew she hadn't eaten anything yet, but didn't push the issue.

"Well, you can have it later." He had called the local shop before they left the hospital and had them deliver it. "Should be here in about 10 minutes." They rode the elevator up; Carly was still a little pale.

"Thanks." She took off her shoes and pulled a blanket over herself as she lay on the couch. "I just wanna be alone for awhile. Please."

"Okay, I'm just gonna wait for the Chinese. I'm also gonna take a few things with me." She heard Spencer rattling around in the kitchen.

"What are you taking?" She didn't look at him.

"These knives, this bottle of vodka," He needed to get her to attention. "This double headed vibrator."

"Sam gave me that as a wedding…" Carly started to say as she sat up. She caught what Spencer was doing to her. "You don't have to go. I don't know what to do? " Her tears came back, "I failed as a mom."

Spencer sat on the couch and hugged her, "You didn't fail. Something just wasn't right with the baby. You need to heal. Mentally, as much as physically." Spencer answered the knock at the door.

She waited until the deliveryman left, "I know. It's just that Kyle wasn't there when I needed him. I think he's two-timing me." Carly needed to vent. "He didn't even show up to the hospital until the next day. And he smelled like a bar."

"Did he try anything?"

"Why you asking?" Spencer told her about the phone call that first night. "No, but I smelled perfume on him, and it wasn't mine."

"Do you love him?"

Carly looked at the floor; "I married him because of the baby. I thought I loved him. I don't know anymore."

"Well, I can file for an annulment. You two don't really have any joint assets and you paid for all the baby stuff, right."

"I don't know. Just let me be for a little while. Please, Spencer?" Carly was turning a corner. "I just lost my baby; let me think about it."

"I didn't mean today, but I need to file before 30 days is up."

Carly thought for a minute, "I have 9 days to decide. What would you do if you were me?"

"First, I'd eat my lunch." He held up the delivery bag. "Then I'd sit down and have a long hard think about Kyle, your future and what you want." He pulled two plates from the cabinet. "Did I tell you that I've asked Nicole to marry me?"

"When?"

"Over the weekend."

Carly cracked her first smile, "Way to go Spencer. When's the wedding?"

"She wants a late summer wedding, probably end of July." That gave them about 6 months to plan everything. Carly threw her wedding together in 10 minutes. She looked at her brother; he had matured a lot in the last few years. He could still get crazy, but law school and his new career had settled him down. "Does Nicole make you happy?"

"Yeah, she does." He thought for a moment. "The other night, we sat on the roof and looked at the stars for hours." Smiling, he set the plates on the coffee table.

She looked at the plate of shrimp and broccoli, "File the annulment."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." She wiped a single tear from her face. "He doesn't love me like I need him to."

"Sure, After Lunch." They ate in comfortable silence.

* * *

The proceedings went remarkable smooth; Kyle agreed to them keeping the things they had before the marriage. Carly kept the baby items. The two still talked on occasion, but drifted apart as graduation drew closer. Sam had started going to the gym with Freddie; she needed to get into better shape for the academy.

"Who would have thought that Sam Puckett, teenage criminal mastermind, would go into law enforcement?" Carly joked as the trio of graduates gathered at Spencer and Nicole's apartment. Carly still lived with them, but was looking for her own place.

"When do you start the academy?" Spencer asked.

"Well, me and Freddie get married next weekend and then have a whole three weeks before I have to report to the barracks for 2 months."

"Two months alone, what will Freddie do with himself?" Carly joked.

Sam couldn't resist the bait, "Probably jerk off to the book of naked pictures I had taken." That got Carly to squirt Peppie cola out her nose. Through her coughing and nasal burn, "You did what?"

"I went to a local photographer and did a bunch of sexy poses and stuff, sorta my wedding present to Freddie."

"I guess pictures will have to do." Freddie joked, "Sam told me some of the things she's going do with those handcuffs when she gets back."

Nicole cut him off. "TMI, what you do with handcuffs is you business." She kissed Spencer, "Besides, I love his tie collection."

"Whoa, that's my brother!" Carly looked at her soon to be sister-in-law.

"What? You never got adventurous?"

"I guess being a member of the 'Mile High Club' isn't that big of a deal." Carly tried to one-up Nicole.

"That's nothing," Sam cut in. "Try the handicap stall at Giro's" Freddie turned five shades of red.

* * *

The Shay's, William and Melanie Puckett, and Freddie were sitting at the Graduation Ceremony for the Seattle Police Academy. Chief Diaz was handing out the Certificates as each new officer was called.

"Samantha Benson." They all clapped and snapped pictures as Sam shook hands and collected her framed certificate. Afterwards, they gathered near the stage for a photo with the Chief. He eyed Sam's dad; "Do I know you?"

"You busted me on a B&E about 20 years back. Will Puckett. Did my 15 years, been out and straight since. This ain't gonna affect Sam is it?"  
"No, she told us about your past on her application."

"Dad, leave my boss alone. I can get into trouble on my own." Sam joked.

Her dad hugged her, "Guess you're now the black sheep of the family."

"How am I gonna explain this at the family reunions?"

Freddie had commented on how she looked in her dark blue dress uniform. He didn't care for the lighter blue uniforms the department used for everyday patrol. The group headed for a local restaurant to celebrate. There were many other new officer's families' there; introductions took place. Sam didn't touch one drop of alcohol; even as the bar served the new officers reduced priced drinks. Freddie had a couple; Sam knew she would drive home. She leaned over to Carly, who was sipping her third cosmopolitan. "O'Connell hasn't taken his eyes off you all night."

Carly glanced over at the young man. _He looks too good to be a cop._ She thought. His close cropped brown hair accented his hazel eyes. He stood up and walked over to their table.

"May I?" He motioned to an empty chair next to Carly.

"Sure." Sam answered. "Carly, this is Jim O'Connell. Jim, my best friend Carly Shay."

"Nice to meet you." He shook her hand. "Where have I seen you?"

"I read the news on . I also used to do a web show with Sam, in my younger days."

"iCarly. I used to watch that all the time." He looked at Sam, "That's why you're not drinking."

"Yeah, can you not tell anyone. I know I told the whole world, but I've been trying to put that behind me."

"You're secret's safe." He turned back to Carly. "So, tell me about yourself."

"I got divorced in February right after I was discharged from the hospital with a miscarriage; my then husband was out at the bar with any woman he could get." Carly was trying to scare him off. "I have a degree in broadcast journalism and am working my way onto the evening news."

"Sounds like you had a rough patch and came out on top." He touched her hand. "I have to live down having my ass handed to me by Sam. Where'd she learn to fight like that?"

"Here and there." Carly was guarding her answers. "I'm sorry, but I'm not ready for anything right now. I got burned really bad by my ex."

"Well, if you ever wanna get a burger or something, call me." He wrote his number on the back of a napkin.

"Are you mental?" Sam looked at her. "He was so nice and did you notice that he's smokin' hot?"

"Sam, I was with Kyle for 3 years and almost had his baby." She wiped her eye. "My due date was two weeks ago."

"I'm sorry, I kinda forgot. How'd you handle it?"

"I sat on the floor holding this thing called a 'Silky'. It's this double-sided blanket. I sat there for like an hour. I wanted that baby."

Sam hugged her friend, "Someday, you'll meet a good man, who really loves you and you'll have a whole house full of kids."

"Thanks Sam."

"You'd do the same for me." She looked at Freddie; he gave a sideways nod towards the door. She nodded an affirmative back. "I gotta go. Start my new job tomorrow."

"Sam?"

"Yeah."

"Be careful." Carly was worried for her.

"I will."

* * *

Freddie sat in the passenger seat, he'd had a few beers and Sam was not taking any chances.

"Have I told you how hot you look in your uniform, officer?" His hand was moving up her thigh. She pulled into the parking lot and shut the car off. "Or how proud I am of you?"

"You're drunk." She joked. He leaned over and kissed her. Freddie's hands moved to the buttons of her jacket, as their kiss grew more passionate.

"I'm gonna have to ask you to come with me, sir. I'm gonna have to search you for weapons." Sam said in a breathless voice. She massaged his member through his pants, "Do you have a permit for this?" Leading him to the elevator, the pair was glad it was the direct one. It was empty at this hour; the two took advantage of this on the ride up. The doors opened into their living room. As they kicked the loose clothes from the elevator, Sam hit the 'Do not disturb' button on the wall. This overrode the control panel and prevented someone from walking in. Freddie had her shirt off and was fumbling with her bra clasp. As the plain white garment fell away, his hands and mouth set to work on her sensitive nipples.

"God, that get me so hot." Sam found his belt and was trying to get his pants off. She sank to her knees and pulled his pants off; his erection nearly hitting her in the face.

Sam took him into her mouth, while she got her own belt undone. As she stood, her pants puddled around her feet. She hooked her thumbs in the waistband of her panties and shed those as well. She pulled Freddie to her, she whispered in his ear.

"I want you to fuck me hard," She stroked him with each command, "And long, and slow."

"I'll get a condom?" Freddie turned towards their bedroom.

Sam grabbed his arm and pressed herself against his body, "It's been two months, I want you in me, now." As if to emphasize her point she turned and draped herself over the back of the couch. Freddie eased into her, his hands finding her hard nipples. Sam loved when he pulled them as they made love. Sam moved back to meet Freddie's thrusts. The beers had dulled his nerves a little and he lasted a little longer. His pace quickened, then he froze; Sam could feel his seed hitting her insides. He whispered breathlessly, "I love you Sam Benson."

"I love you too." Sam felt him withdraw. "Get us a couple of Peppie cola's and meet me in the bedroom." Freddie walked towards the kitchen.

"You want something to eat?"

"Grab something and we'll share." Sam headed to the king-sized bed.

The two didn't get out of bed until that afternoon.

* * *

Sam looked around the briefing room, she tried not to look nervous her first day on the job. _Don't screw this up, Puckett._ She still called herself Puckett.

The Shift Sergeant had called roll. "I would like to welcome the new officers to the force. You'll be partnered with a veteran for your first year. Benson."

Sam snapped to attention, "Sir!" She was a little jumpy.

Smiling, the sergeant continued. "Relax, rookie, gonna give yourself whiplash. You're riding with Rogers." He pointed to another blonde woman. Sam looked over at her new partner. She was much taller, Sam guessed about 5'9", and broad shouldered. She had her hair pulled back in a single ponytail. The Sergeant paired the rest of the rookies up and handed out assignments.

"Looks like we're riding together. Name's Linda."

"Sam." She extended her hand.

"You look familiar, I ever bust you?"

"No, I used to co-host 'iCarly.'"

"That's it. You still sober?"

"Why is that the only thing people remember?" Sam gave an exaggerated sigh.

"Cause when you admitted you had a problem, it made a few more of us see we had one too."

Sam looked at the older woman with confusion.

"I got dry after I saw that episode." Rogers turned back to the business of law enforcement. "You got your gear?"

"Right here." Sam lifted the square duffel bag.

"Got your gun? Cuffs? Vest? Wallet?"

"Why do I need my wallet?"

"Rookies buy all the coffee the first week. Some of the guys are dicks and make their rookie buy meals too. I'm not like that."

* * *

The Benson's settled into a routine; Sam on the midnight shift, Freddie working at Microsoft as a security specialist. The two were able to have 'dinner' together.

"Sam?" Freddie stroked her bare side as they lay on the couch.

She rolled slightly, "Yeah hon."

"You ever get scared out on patrol"

"A little, why."

"Nothing, I just had a bad dream the other night that you were in a car wreck."

"Well, Linda does most of the driving." She kissed him. "Were you watching 'Police's wildest videos' again?"

He gave her a sheepish grin, "Yeah. I was."

"That stuff happens like once or twice a year."

* * *

"Well, you've made it through your first two months, think you can handle another 30 years?" Linda joked as they pulled out of the Speedway, coffees in hand.

"By that time, It'll be Chief Benson." Sam really had no desire to be chief.

The radio broke in "211 in progress, National City Bank Corner of High and 5th. Surveillance shows two suspects armed with AR-15's." One program that Microsoft had developed opened a video feed to the police when a bank's silent alarm was triggered.

"We're three blocks away." Rogers hit the lights and siren.

"Unit 5-5 en route." Sam pulled her Glock-17 from its holster and checked the chamber.

"Watch your background rookie."

Sam didn't respond; she was going over what she had learned in the academy. _Squeeze, don't pull. Aim down the barrel. Watch for non-hostiles. Did I tell Freddie I loved him last night?_ Sam pushed that last thought away as they rolled up to the scene. There were a couple of other units on scene, taking fire from the two gunmen. Sam dove out of her door as 5.56-millimeter rounds peppered their cruiser. She and Rogers took cover behind the engine block. They both knew that the thin skin of the car's body would not stop the high-powered rifle rounds.

"Look!" Sam pointed to an injured officer, lying on the ground. He was trying to roll out of the line of fire. "When they reload, I'll cover you."  
They heard the rifle lock open, and the empty clip hit the ground.

Sam rose up enough to aim over the hood of the car. The first gunman was only 10 feet away. Sam's training and time at the range kicked in; she lined up her sights with the target. She squeezed the trigger several times. The gunman dropped to the ground, her rounds finding the mark. Sam quickly swiveled to engage the second gunman, who had a little more time to reload. He had his rifle up and got off a few shots of his own. Sam ignored his shots as she returned fire. The second man took two rounds to the head. Slowly, Sam approached the two shooters, pistol at the ready. She kicked their rifles out of reach. Other officers announced their presence and began securing the scene. Sam was so amped on adrenaline that she didn't hear the Sergeant come up to her. She was talking to herself. "Didn't have a choice. Gonna shoot you…." He had seen this before.

"Sam," She didn't look at him. She still had her gun pointed at the downed men. He slowly put his hand on her gun and pushed it towards the ground. He could feel that the weapon was still warm. "Sam, I need your gun." She slowly turned her head around. She was sweating, and sort of pale. He knew she was in shock.

"I-I know, procedure. Didn't have…" The adrenaline was wearing off rapidly. She took a ragged breath, "I need...sit down."

"Over here," He put his hand on her shoulder and quickly removed it. She had something sticky on her uniform. As he looked at his hand, Sam fell to the ground.

"MEDIC!" His hand was covered in blood.


	11. Chapter 11

"Shay, breaking news, you're on in 10." Her producer handed her a short paragraph about a foiled bank robbery.

The camera went directly to Carly. "This just in to the KIRO news room. Police were involved in an early morning shoot out with two gunmen who attempted to rob the National City bank on High Street as it opened. Witnesses say that at least 5 officers were injured, and that both men were killed by police. Unconfirmed accounts state that the same officer, Samantha Benson, shot both men…" Carly stopped reading the TelePrompTer for a moment. The producer snapped his fingers. "Before being critically wounded herself. No official statement has been issued and details are sketchy. Again, at least 5 officers wounded and two gunmen dead in an early morning shoot-out in the downtown area. Stay tuned to KIRO dot com for further details." The camera's red light went off.

"You do not stop reading in the middle of a hot story!" The producer was furious.

"Shut up Brad!" Carly was grabbing her purse. "That cop, Benson, she's my best friend. So pardon we more being human."

"You're not human, you're a news anchor." Brad was thinking how this could help his career. "Think you can get an exclusive? I heard that there's an anchor spot opening up on the weekend 11:00."

Carly stopped walking, she looked at Brad, "You think you can bribe me into selling out my best friend with a spot on the weekend late-night."

"I wouldn't call it bribing."

"You're right, a proper offer would be weekday 6 o'clock." Carly left without another word. She didn't care if she was fired.

* * *

He listened to KIRO dot com every morning Sam worked. Freddie felt his chest tighten; _Critically wounded._ He had to get to the hospital, but his legs wouldn't move.

"Hey Fred." It was his immediate supervisor, Matt. "You related to that cop who got shot?"

Matt looked at Freddie's desktop; on the screen was a picture of him and Sam at her graduation: him in a shirt and tie, her in full dress blues. Freddie couldn't answer with words; the tears forming in his eyes said everything.

"Let's go." Matt led him to the parking garage.

* * *

Freddie ran up to the information desk of Seattle General. "Sam Puckett." When she had been hired on, Freddie and Sam decided that if she were ever injured, she would be admitted under her maiden name. They found out that many of the other officers took similar steps to insure some privacy. Only her family and the Shay's knew this.

"Your name?"

"Freddie Benson, I'm her husband."

The staff checked his name against a list of authorized visitors. "Are you alone?"

"My boss drove me here."

"Only you can come back."

"One minute." Freddie told Matt that they were only allowing family in right now.

"Call me if you need anything."

"Thanks." He was led up to the trauma floor, where he was greeted by several large and angry looking cops.

"He's Puckett's husband." The staffer told them.

"How's she doing?"

"I don't know. I just greet and lead."

"Thanks. There might be a young woman arriving, Carly Shay, please show her up here."

"Is she on the list?"

"Yes, but she's also a reporter, so no camera crews."

* * *

Carly was surprised to see the crowd outside the hospital. She was lead to the waiting area. Freddie greeted her with a hug.

"How is she?"

"The doctor just left. They got her stabilized, she lost a lot of blood, shoulder blade's cracked." He couldn't handle anymore. "I love her sooooo much."

"I know." Carly just held him. "Spencer called, he's in court all day, but will come down as soon as he can."

"Thank you." She heard Freddie's stomach rumble; he just looked down the hall.

"They're not letting you see her yet?"

"No, She's still in recovery. The doctor said that she'll probably be moved up to a private room tonight, if there are no complications."

"You had anything to eat?"

"How am I supposed to eat when Sam's hurt!"

Carly almost laughed. "She asked your mom the same thing when you got stabbed. Your mom told Sam that she'd be useless to you if she passed out from hunger."

"Thank you." Freddie dug out his wallet, "Get me a sandwich and a Peppie cola."

"It's on me."

* * *

Sam had been moved to the critical care unit, still heavily sedated. Freddie almost didn't recognize her. Sam had an IV of fluids in one arm, a unit of blood in the other and an oxygen line clipped to her nose. The surgeon put some x-rays on the light table. "We had to put a carbon fiber plate on her scapula and use some titanium screws to put it back together. She'll be fine in a few weeks, but until it sets, the arm will have to be immobilized. She'll need some physical therapy after the cast comes off."

Freddie hugged the doctor, "Thanks for saving my wife."

"There's something else I need to tell you." The doctor showed him a paper.

"Really?"

"I had the lab triple check it."

"Oh boy." He needed to sit down.

* * *

Sam's mind slowly rose from the clouds of sleep. She saw the flowers on the table, but couldn't smell them. Her thoughts were scattered and random. _Where…?_ She heard Freddie snoring; his head was lying on her bed as he sat in the chair. While a great deal of effort, she got her left arm to move and gently brushed his hair from his eyes. She watched him sleep for a few minutes. He stirred when she touched his hand.

"Hey there." She whispered. "You bring me some ham?"

"Left it in my other pants." He smiled.

"You're still useless." She squeezed his hand. He was careful to not hurt her right shoulder. After they shared a kiss, Freddie looked at her.

"I was so scared Sam." He was doing his best to keep it together. "I need to tell you something…" He shared what the doctor told him.

"You sure?"

He nodded, glancing at the door. "Carly's been waiting to see you."

"Go get me something to eat and send her in. Mama wants her ham."

"What is it with you and ham?"

"It's the perfect meat."

"I thought you said my…" She cut him off.

"That's a different cut of meat."

Carly walked in a minute later. "How you feeling?" She sat on the side of the bed.

"Still a little foggy, shoulder hurts like hell." She was scared, "Carly, I need to tell you something. But first, I need you to promise that you'll still be my friend, no matter what I tell you." Sam took a deep breath, "I just faced two men with automatic weapons, and I'm scared to death of what I have to tell you. Swear you'll still be my friend."

"Sam, there's nothing you could say that would make me not be your friend." She held Sam's left hand.

Sam looked at her lap, then at Carly, "I'm pregnant."

"Yeah, that's a scary thing." Carly then squealed like a little girl. "This is so wonderful."

One of the officers on hospital duty came in. "Everything all right in here?"

"Yeah, I just told her I was pregnant." Sam recognized him. He was the officer Rogers had pulled behind the cruiser. "Is the Captain around?"

"I'll call him for you." He pulled his radio and notified the Captain she was awake and asking for him. "He's getting some coffee, be right up."

"How you doing?" She was getting hungry.

Shrugging, "Alright I guess. You and your partner saved my ass the other day. Thanks. A lot of us owe you a drink when you get out."

"Tell them to make it Peppie cola."

"We sort of figured that. Most of the younger officers used to watch 'iCarly'. That was a really gutsy thing you did."

"I needed to. If it helped one person, then I figured it was worth it."

"You helped at least one person. It might not of been booze, but you helped someone."

"You're welcome." She looked at the door. "Call down to the cafeteria and find my husband. I want my ham!"

* * *

Sam was released about ten days later. The news crews were on hand to film the event; she was the hero of the hour. Carly told her about the offer Brad had made to her; Sam checked with her Captain. While he had concerns about any of his officers talking to the media, he couldn't stop her.

"Carly, talk to the network guy. I'll give you and only you an interview. Get what you can for it."

I'll be over in an hour." Carly hung up.

The cameraman finished his preparations and Carly helped Sam with her make-up. They had Sam wrapped in her uniform shirt, and played up her injuries. "Just relax, Sam." Carly said.

"In 5…4…3...2…" It sounded strange not hearing Freddie count down.

"Hello, This is Carly Shay coming to you with a KIRO exclusive interview. I'm here with Officer Samantha Benson, who single-handedly stopped two gunmen and foiled a brazen daylight robbery. How are you doing Officer Benson?"

"I'm doing okay. Though, I wouldn't say I single-handedly stopped anything, except maybe a bullet." Sam injected some humor; "There were six other officers that were injured and almost two dozen on scene."

"What was going through your mind as you confronted these men?"

"I don't really remember the shooting. My training just kicked in. When I saw another officer in the line of fire, I knew that we had to do something. My partner, Linda Rogers, and I worked out a hasty plan; she would pull the officer behind our car, while I provided cover fire. I was able to engage the first gunman. The second was able to get off several shots; I've been told that 4 struck my vest, and one hit me."

"How are you? In terms of your injuries?"

"My shoulder's a little stiff, but otherwise, I'm recovering."

Carly asked the standard questions and ended the interview shortly thereafter. The cameraman packed up and left.

"Okay Sam, between you and me, how are you really?"

"I'm having flashbacks to the shoot-out." The dark bags under her eyes gave prove to this. "I can't sleep more than a few hours a night."

"Are you talking to someone?"

"Yeah, but it's not really helping." Sam broke down, "What the hell am I doing? I can't take this."

Freddie and Carly wrapped her up in a group hug. They knew that Sam needed help, but weren't sure how to help her.

* * *

Their cruiser rounded the corner and was hit in the windshield by multiple rounds. Rogers was hit in the chest and head; the driver-less car rolled to a stop. Sam fell out of the passenger side, the magazine falling out of her pistol. She reloaded as several other officers were gunned down. She rose to fire and saw that one of the hostages was Freddie. The robber aimed his rifle at her and….

"NOOOOOOO!" Sam sat upright, breathing quickly. Sweat dripped from her face and soaked her nightgown.

Freddie gently touched her arm, "Another nightmare?"

She pulled away, "Yeah, I can handle it." She stripped off her wet clothes and headed to the bathroom; water could be heard running. Sam grabbed one of Freddie's tee shirts and walked to the computer in the other room.

Freddie gave her a few minutes, then followed her. She was sitting at the corner desk, playing Halo 3. She was shooting at anything that moved on the scene.

"You wanna talk?"

"About what?" Sam snapped.

"Anything you want."

She paused the game, "Yeah, I do wanna talk about something. Why is it whenever I have a bad dream, you and Carly and everyone on the force wants to know about it?"

"You got shot, Sam. We're just worried." He opened his mouth, but she closed it.

"Well, you and everyone one else can stop worrying. I'm fine." She started the game again. "Don't wait up for me."

* * *

"Hello." The woman on the other end of the line answered.

"Hi, this is Freddie Benson. You gave me your card, said if there was anything I should call."

"What's the problem?"

"Sam's withdrawing. She's having nightmares almost nightly and she's barely eating."

"How bad is it?"

"Bad enough for me to go behind her back and call you."

He could hear papers being flipped, "I have an opening today at 4pm, can the two of you make it then?"

"If I have to drag her, we'll be there."


	12. Chapter 12

"I'm glad you two could make it." Dr. Dane said as Sam and Freddie sat down. "How are you doing Sam?"

"Fucking peachy." She looked like hell warmed over. "I can't sleep, I can't eat." Sam was loosing it.

"How is your personal life, Freddie?"

"Before the shooting, we would go to the ice rink down the street or out to a movie or out with the Shays. Now she just sits at home play first person shooter games." He paused. "Sam and I had a very good sex life. But since she got home, Sam doesn't want me to touch her." He tried to hold her hand, but Sam pulled away. "She won't talk to me, she refuses to leave the apartment; I don't know what more I can do for her."

"Sam, what's the matter?" She asked.

Sam was trying to form the words to describe what was going on in her head, but couldn't make anything make sense. "I don't know. I just don't wanna be touched right now. I wanna be left alone, why can't you and Carly understand this?"

The doctor inquired, "What's Carly doing?"

"She calls like 5 or 6 times a day asking if I'm all right or if I need something from the store."

"Alright, how about a Peppie cola?" She walked over to her mini-fridge and got two plastic cups; Sam was looking at the floor. She dropped the cups; the bang jolted Sam into action. She shoved Freddie towards the floor and her hand went to where her gun should have been. Amber noted Sam's reaction; she knew what needed to be done.

"Freddie, do you have that list I emailed you?" He nodded, "Then go take care of it. I'll drive Sam home. She's my last appointment."

"Okay, I love you." He tried to kiss her, but Sam turned her head.

A moment later the intercom buzzed, "Elvis has left the building." The receptionist told them.

"Sam, you're being a selfish little child." Her words stung. "You're keeping all this pain to yourself. Freddie and Carly want to help you."

"I'm the one who got shot. I'm…" Dr. Dane cut her off.

"You think you're the only one who was affected? I have 6 other officers who were injured, 7 spouses, two shifts of cops and their families that were affected." The doctor handed her a tissue. "I gave Freddie a list of things to do tonight. He's cooking you a nice dinner. What I want you to do is take this Pear-pod, go home and take a nice long, hot, bath." She handed Sam the Pear-pod. "It's got wireless headphones that are waterproof."

"What's on it?"

"The first 15 minutes is soft, relaxing music. Then I recorded some guided imagery for you."

"What's that? Like hypnosis or something?'

"No, you'll hear me say something like 'You're on a beach.' And then you picture yourself there. There's another track that loops through the whole recording. It's barely audible and says 'The noise can't hurt you.' That's what I'm trying to get into your head. During the guided part, there'll be noises at random intervals. Immediately before the noise that looping track will get louder to reinforce itself." Dr. Dane liked Sam and wanted her to get herself together. "I want you to listen to this whole recording before you get out of the tub. Freddie's instructions are to ignore you until after your bath, so don't get offended when he doesn't say anything to you."

* * *

The two drove to Sam's building in silence. She thanked the doctor for the ride and took the Pear-pod. Freddie was working in the kitchen; the smell of salmon baking in the oven made her mouth water. She wanted to say something to him, but remembered what Dr. Dane had said. Sam hung up her jacket and put her slip-ons in the closet and without a word headed to the bathroom. Their apartment had a large soaking tub, something that the two of them had done many times. She opened the taps and sprinkled in some of the bath salts Freddie had gotten for her birthday. As she stripped off her skirt and blouse, Sam looked over herself. The surgeons had done an excellent job with her shoulder; the scar was fading, but would always remain. She tested the water's temperature with her toe before stepping in. She adjusted the headphones and volume before sliding up to her nose in the steaming tub. As the doctor had said, the first 15 minutes was soft music with that underlying track; then, Dr. Dane's voice started.

"You're walking on a path in the forest, the sunlight's filtering through the leaves above. A gentle breeze rustles them. You hear the sounds of small animals scurrying along the forest floor." Sam could hear the leaves. "The smell of wild flowers drifts to you. You notice a small clearing ahead; there's a small pond in it."

"The noise can't hurt you." -Splash- Sam barely flinched at the sound.

"A pair of swans lands on the pond. They swim in perfect harmony. The two gracefully slide through the water; nothing seems to bother them." Sam could see the two waterfowl in her mind. "You sit on the shore, dipping your toes into the cool, blue water. The breeze is cool on your skin."

"The noise can't hurt you." This time was a little louder. "A great stag crashes through the underbrush. His broad chest expands and contracts with his breathing. It's slow and deep." Sam could hear the rhythm of the stag's breathing. "He drinks from the pond, the swans keep swimming. Nothing seems to bother you here. The sky darkens a little. It looks like rain." In the background Sam hears rain.

"The noise can't hurt you." Thunder crashes and the rain increased its intensity. Sam didn't even notice. The storm raged for a minute, then ended. "The air is fresh and clean; Freddie has joined you at the pond." Dr. Dane's voice resumed. "He takes your hand, just sitting there enjoying the view." Sam wished Freddie really was holding her hand. The sounds of the leaves rustling and waves lapping the shore was lulling her to sleep. For the first time since the shooting, Sam wasn't afraid. She almost couldn't hear the pear pod anymore.

"The noise can't hurt you." -BANG! - "This ends the recording." She slowly sat up and shook her head. Sam felt as though she had been asleep. She got out and opened the drain. Grabbing the towel off the hook, she began to dry off. The rough feel of the towel caused her nipples to harden. She hadn't been with Freddie in about four weeks; the last time she had had sex was just so he would stop pestering her to talk about the shooting. She realized she needed to mend a lot of fences. As Sam finished toweling off, she pulled a bottle of lotion from the cabinet. Her obstetrician had recommend that she use it to lessen stretch marks. She had only begun to show in the last two weeks or so. Sam tied her robe loosely around herself and walked into the living room. Freddie was on the couch watching a movie. He had changed into a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt. Angelina Jolie was shooting it out in the pharmacy department.

Sam sat down and snuggled up next to him. "Whatcha watching?"

"**Wanted**." Freddie wrapped his arm around her. "How was your bath?"

"Very relaxing." Sam paused the movie; "I need to talk to you."

Freddie turned to her; he wiped a tear from her cheek. "What's wrong?"

"I've been a real bitch to you since I got shot." She wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "I'm sorry, I've been jumpy, and moody, and I'm sorry." She buried her face into his side. Freddie just held her and let her cry. He turned off the TV completely. "Why didn't you talk to me before?"

"I didn't know what to say. I mean, I wake up and find out I've been shot and Oh yeah, I'm pregnant!" She gave a little laugh. "That's a little much at one time."

She intertwined her fingers with his, "Whatcha make for dinner?"

"Baked salmon fillets, fresh asparagus, rice pilaf and sourdough rolls." His free hand roamed down to her belly. "Is somebody hungry?"

She looked up at him, "Freddie, I wanna change the way I've been acting, but I don't know how; help me. This is really hard for me, at the academy, they taught us how to engage a target. They never told us how to deal with shooting people." Sam lay against Freddie. She started to cry softly, "Even if you have to lie, tell me I'm still a good person."

"You are, you just need to talk to me, talk to Carly, talk to your partner or Dr. Dane. Just talk to someone and stop holding on to all your pain." Freddie told her, "We, the three of us, are a family. So if you're hurting, we're all hurting."

"I promise, I'll tell you everything, I just need some time to deal with it. I mean, I-I killed two people." Sam was crying uncontrollably.

Freddie had talked to her Captain about this. "You pulled up to the bank, then what happened?" He had been briefed on post-shooting interviews and how to walk Sam through the events.

"Two guys with machine guns were shooting everywhere, I was covering Rogers who was pulling Hanson behind our cruiser. I shot the first gunman as he was reloading. I turned to the other one. He was already reloaded and shot first."  
"Did you follow procedure?"

"Yes, these guys were dangerous."

"Then you did your job, hon." Freddie hugged her "Would you rather it had been you?"

"What the hell kind of question is that?" She snapped. "Of course I'm glad it wasn't me."

"You did everything right. You saved a lot of lives that day." He gently wrapped his arms around her.

"Just hold me. I need someone to understand that I was only protecting myself. I'm not a killer."

"You **are** a good person, and the fact that you're torn up about the shooting proves it. If you could go about your day without a second thought, then you would be in trouble."

They sat on the couch for a while, then Sam spoke. "That smells really good, and I'm really hungry." Sam rose from the couch. They sat down and ate the meal Freddie had prepared. Sam did most of the talking; Freddie just listened. "That was fantastic. Now, I want some 'dessert'."

"I bought a Key lime pie…"

"I want something else." She gave him a sly grin. "Something 'meaty'."

"Like what?"

Sam got up, walked around the table, pushed his chair back and straddled Freddie. Her robe fell open. She kissed him as she ground her pelvis into his. His hands roamed under her robe.

Sam broke their kiss long enough to whisper, "I want you."

The pie sat in the refrigerator.

* * *

Sam jumped out of the cruiser, huddling behind the engine. She moved with fluid grace; she was not pregnant. Rogers was lying on the bench seat. "Go get 'em."

Sam took a quick glance over her shoulder then leapt over the hood, drawing a matched set of Glocks. Sam noticed that these were not the standard issue Glock 17's, but the fully automatic model 18's. The extra-long magazines extended from the handgrip. She dispatched the first gunman, emptying both pistols. Tossing them away, she pulled two more from behind her back. _Where did I get these?_ The second robber was using Freddie as a human shield.

"Go ahead cop." He taunted her. "Drop your guns!" Freddie nodded slightly, then stood perfectly still. Sam made like she was going to toss her guns away; as they reached shoulder height, she pulled both triggers. Freddie's hair ruffled slightly as the two bullets curved around his head, hitting the gunman.

"You okay?" Sam was looking down, holstering her guns.

A familiar voice answered her, "Yeah, are you?" She looked up and saw herself, very much pregnant. "You saved us, thank you."

"Where's Freddie? And who are you?" Officer Benson was confused.

"I'm you." Sam looked at her, "Well, a part of you."

"So am I." She turned to see herself in a wedding dress.

"And me." A five-year-old Sam ran up. As she surveyed the scene, Officer Benson saw more and more versions of herself.

"What's going on?"

"This was never about saving Freddie, you needed to save yourself." The pregnant Sam answered. "We're all the different ways you see yourself; wife, mother, cop, daughter, sister, friend. Right now, you're trying to keep each of us separate, but we can't be. We're not separate people; you can't see yourself as each of us. We're parts of a whole, and we can't exist as separate people. You need to see yourself as all of us all the time. Until you can do that, you'll never be happy with yourself." Sam watched as the different versions walked into each other; merging until only the two remained. Pregnant Sam held out her hand to Officer Benson.

"Good luck Officer."

"You too, Sam." Taking her hand the last two became one. She shook her head, "No more nachos before bed."

"Which ways my meeting?" Gibby ran up to her; he was wearing only his boxers and carrying a briefcase.

"Your nightmare is two blocks down, turn right and it's the second office on the left." She laughed. "Gibby, you goof ball."

Freddie had woken up when Sam had first started to moan and was going to wake her, but something told him to let her sleep. He saw her settle back to peaceful slumber; then mumble something about Gibby. He'd have some fun tomorrow.

* * *

Sam slowly awoke, feeling rested for the first time in weeks. She wanted to lie in bed all day, but two urges struck her. She smelled the food in the kitchen and her bladder was screaming. She rolled out of bed and grabbed her robe from the floor.

"Good morning sleepy head." Freddie kissed her as he set two plates of scrambled eggs, sausage links, toast, and hash browns on the table. Sam looked at the plate and tried to control herself, but was really hungry. Freddie was happy to see her eat. "There's more on the stove." Freddie ate his breakfast, "I gotta get rolling, call me if you need anything?" Sam glanced at the clock, 8:35; Freddie was going to be late. He kissed her, "I love you."

"I love you more." She tried to keep him there with her.

"Oh, Gibby called this morning, I think her dialed the wrong number. Said something about a meeting."

"Oh my God, was I talking in my sleep?" Sam laughed. "It's a long story, I promise I'll tell you tonight. You won't believe it."

"So long as I'm still your man." He locked the door as he left.

Sam finished her plate and fixed another. She looked at her bump, "I'm going, you have to be patient." She softly spoke to her unborn child. Sam felt it kick, just a little one, but a kick none the less. She smiled and sent a text to Carly.

_Hi, How you doing?_

_Worried, sweeps week._

_Wanna come over for lunch?_

_Sure. Won't be till after 1. You okay?_

_I miss my friend_

_I miss you too. How you doing_

_Better. Get lunch. I'll pay you back._

_Whatcha want to eat?_

_Chipotle._

_The usual?_

_Get extra guacamole. x2_

_You pregnant women and your cravings._

_You wait until you get the cravings_

_Lol, see you then_

* * *

Sam heard a distant voice calling her name. She turned towards it and called back. A gentle shake of her arm woke her.

"How you feeling?" Carly had set the bag of Mexican food on the coffee table.

"Wha?" Sam rubbed her eyes and looked at the clock. 1315. She had set the clocks to 24-hour time. Sam excused herself, walking to the bathroom. Returning, she grabbed two Peppie colas. "I feel a lot better. Freddie ambushed me into seeing the psychologist and she gave me a Pear-pod to listen to while I was soaking in the bath. Freddie cooked dinner and we talked, I mean really **talked**. Well, I talked and he listened to me. Am I rambling?"

"Yes, but I'll listen to you. I'm just glad you texted me." Carly looked away, "I was afraid that you didn't want to be my friend anymore."

This struck Sam harder than the bullet ever did. "Carly, I had a lot going on in my head, and still do, but you and me, we'll always be friends." She held out her arms to Carly. "I was scared you'd hate me."

"Why?"

"You lost your baby for no reason," Sam was trying to keep herself together, "And I get shot and still…" She lost it.

Carly held her, "Shhhh, it's okay Sam." Sam cried on her friend's shoulder for a few minutes.

Sam exhaled sharply and groaned. "I need something to eat. Light-headed."

"Did you eat breakfast?" Carly asked, ready to scold her.

"Two helpings." Sam looked at the bag; "I'm eating everything I can get my mouth around."

"I got you two burritos." Carly pulled the foil wrapped items out. "And extra guacamole."

"Thanks, what do I owe you?"

"That apology will cover it." They started on the burritos. "You were talking in your sleep. What were you dreaming about?"

"There are no words to describe it." Sam paused, "Imagine watching the most vivid, colorful fireworks in the world, but instead of fireworks exploding, it was life exploding around you. It was so beautiful that it hurt to look at, but you had to watch." Sam looked at her friend. "It was so beautiful, Carly. I can't even tell you. And I was really happy, not like this burrito is making me happy, like to my soul happy. Like there was nothing wrong anywhere. Like I was in Heaven."

"Now I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Don't be, I can still remember the dream. And I get to share it with my best friend." She put her half-eaten food down. "Gimme your hand."

"Why?" Carly held out her left hand.

Sam put it on her belly. "Say hi to Aunt Carly. She brought you the burritos."

"Oh my God," Carly looked at Sam, "Is that the baby?"

"Yeah, we're gonna name it after dad. William if it's a boy, Willow if it's a girl. Their middle names are Frederick, He hates Fredward."

"And the girl's name?"

"I like Renee."

"You should, that's my middle name."

"I know. I wanted to ask you first."

"Have you told your mom?" Carly knew that Sam had tried to contact her mom a few times, but never got more than a disgruntled sound and a hang-up.

"No, she's made it clear that she wants nothing to do with me. I could stop every crime in the world, but it'll never measure up to Melanie." Sam wiped her eyes. "At least I got my dad back." The phone rang.

"Hello, hi. Feeling better. Got some solid sleep last night. I did have a strange dream; I was stopping the bank robbery, but like it was in the movie 'Wanted'. No, I was in my uniform. Really, I didn't hear any. Okay, see you next week. Bye."

"Who was that?" Carly asked.

"Dr. Dane, remember the psychologist from when I tried to kill myself?" Carly nodded, "She's also the department's psychologist. Turns out she's one of the best at traumatic events on the West Coast."

"Why'd she ask about your uniform?"

"I had a dream that I stopped the bank robbers like Angelina Jolie in 'Wanted', you know, curving bullets and machine pistols." Sam stopped for a moment, "Then Freddie was gone, he was a hostage. There was me standing there, and then more of me started to appear. Each one different, the one told me that I was all fragmented. I need to get myself together." Sam explained the dream in greater detail.

"Okay, I understand all the versions of you, and why you were curving bullets; what's Gibby got to do with any of this?"

"Remember when we watched all those dance videos?"

"Don't remind me. I had a dream that there was a bunch of cute well dressed boys dancing in my apartment."

"Trade you, we were doing Irish step in detention to Brigg's electric bagpipes. I did a cartwheel into the splits. Then Gibby ran in looking for his math test."

"Why can't we have normal nightmares like that?" Carly had a nacho chip.

"What? Electric bagpipes isn't normal enough?" They had a laugh.

"I am such a hog." Sam finished off the second burrito. She used the end of the wrap to wipe the guacamole container. "I have been craving this stuff all day. At least it's food."

"Why what did you want before?" Carly was half-afraid to find out.

Sam looked a little nervous, "Promise you won't be disgusted with me." Carly nodded. "Freddie."

"What?"

"Last night, after dinner, I was so horny that I was humping him in his chair at the table. We got to the bedroom and after we made love; I went down on him and, I got this overwhelming urge to swallow. I've never done that before, but it just seemed natural." She looked at Carly, "You think I'm some sort of freak, right."

"Have you been reading your 'what to expect' book?" Sam nodded. "Doesn't it say something about craving non-foods? That's all that is."

"Thanks. How is it you know just what to say?"

"Years of practice." Carly glanced at her watch. "I have to leave by 3. I need to get home and get ready. Jim's taking me out tonight."

"Jim?"

"O'Connell. You were right Sam, he is a great guy." Carly smiled. "He's sweet and kind and caring…"

"Have you…" Sam inquired.

"We've not had actual intercourse yet, just about everything else." Carly inhaled deeply; "You would not believe what he can do with his tongue."

"TMI."

"Oh and you drinking Freddie is perfectly normal lunch conversation?" Carly tried to sound serious but ended up laughing.


	13. Chapter 13

Court Dates

* * *

"Well Sam, looks like you've gotten your head together over the last two months. How have things been between you and Freddie?"

"Really good. We're going out again and," Sam grinned, "Staying in some nights. We've been going to baby classes and getting the nursery ready, Who knew that something so small could need so much stuff."

"Very true. Anymore nightmares?"

"Just the ones where I give birth to a full grown killer whale or a rock musician. I've gotten past the shooting. I'm a cop, and that's just part of my job."

"Well' I'm going to sign off on your psyche evaluation. You're ready to go back to work." Dr. Dane scribbled on a form. She motioned towards Sam's expanding belly, "How you doing?"

"I'm eating everything in sight, I'm moody, tired, and getting huge. Just like the doctor said I'd be. Got about 6 weeks left. I have to wear slip on shoes cause I can't reach my laces anymore." Sam smiled and stifled a tear. "Thanks for everything doc. Ouch, Alright, we'll get lunch." She stroked her abdomen.

"Do you know what you're having?"

"A girl, Willow Renee Benson."

"Tell Freddie, that when she's born, look at her fingers and get comfortable, she's going to wrap him around one." Sam laughed.

"Would you mind if I kept seeing you? I mean maybe only once a month or something."

"Sure, I think I can work it in."

"Thank you." Sam glanced at her watch, "I gotta get going, I have to be at the range in an hour. It was the only time I could get in to requalify. I wanna be ready to go back to work after maternity leave."

"Just remember to get lunch. I'll fax this over to your captain."

"Thank again doctor."

* * *

"Alright Benson, how you think you did?" The range officer asked, looking over a printout.

"I think I winged that last one." Sam was locking her gun in the case.

"No, clean hit. Course time was 43 seconds, no mistakes. That was almost better than your academy score. If we could find body armor that fit, I'd send you back out right now."

Sam headed to the captain's office and handed over the papers.

"Welcome back Officer Benson." He shook her hand. "Your obstetrician has you restricted to light duty for the remainder of your pregnancy. So you're going to be in records with Blunden."

"Dennis Blunden?"

"You know him?"

"He was my high school guidance counselor. Is he still an asshole?"

"Since that punk shot him, shattered his knee."

"I'll work with him, but he didn't like me then, so."

"Look on the plus side, it's day shift. Why don't you go down there and introduce yourself."

* * *

"Hi, I'm Sam Benson, I'll be working with you for a while."

"Nice to meet you." He didn't look up from his clipboard. "When you starting and who did you piss off?"

"Monday and no one. I'm on restricted duty until I have the baby." He looked up finally.

"Do I know you from somewhere?"

"Pull case file AB56-W7." She had that number burned in her brain.

He looked in the system, then walked down the rows until he found the box. "Sexual assault/ Rape, Victim 'Puckett, Samantha'" He looked at her again, she could see the gears turning in his mind. "Ridgeway High Samantha Puckett?"

"You still think I just got drunk and punched my teacher?"

"Guess I owe you an apology."

"Yeah, tell you what, let's just put this behind us and try again." She held out her hand, "Hi, I'm Officer Samantha Benson."

"Officer Blunden." He shook it.

* * *

"Hey Carly, you and Jim free tonight?"

"Yeah why?"

"Come over to our place, celebration, I'm a cop again."

"Alright, I was worried you wouldn't pass the psyche screen."

"I am not crazy." They laughed. "Call Spencer and invite him and Nicole over."

"What time?"

"Dinner's gonna be ready by 6 so anytime before that."

"See you then." They hung up.

* * *

Freddie answered the door, "Hey Spencer, Nicole how you doing?"

"Good, I don't know if we're staying."

"Why?"

"Sam might shoot me." Spencer looked really nervous.

"What did you do?" Nicole asked.

"I would rather tell Sam first."

"Tell me what?" She sipped her Peppie cola. She looked good in the maternity top and pants. "Come on in."

"Where's your gun?" Spencer was really nervous.

"In the safe in the bedroom, next to Freddie's."

"Freddie owns a gun?" Marisa asked. She was still a little overwhelmed with the idea of being a grandma.

"Yeah, mom. After Sam graduated from the academy, I took the CCW class and Sam bought me a Glock 17 for Christmas, just like she has."

"Please promise you won't have my car towed or something like that."

Sam was getting nervous now. "Alright, I won't do anything to you! Just tell me what the hell is going on."

Spencer took a deep breath, "The mother of the two men you shot is suing you for $20 million and she hired the firm I work at." He managed to say that all on one breath. He turned sideways and closed his eyes expecting to be beaten to a pulp.

"Are you handling the case?" Sam asked, eyeing him.

"No, I sighted a conflict of interests." She knew he was telling the truth. He still sucked at lying, even after law school.

"As long as you're not involved in the case you can come in." Sam smiled and hugged Spencer. "Besides, I wouldn't shoot you, I'd have you thrown in holding over the weekend."

"I SWEAR I'M NOT IN ON THE CASE!" Everyone at the party turned to see what the commotion was. "Sorry, you know I can't lie. I'm like the only honest lawyer around."

"I know. How strong do you think her case is?"

"It's not. She just wants to get rich and thinks you have money."

"You know a good defender?" Sam knew Nicole worked for another firm.

"I think I might be able to find you one." She smiled.

Spencer and Nicole walked over and got a Peppie cola and mingled with the other guests. Most of the people they didn't know were police officers Sam worked with; their Captain even made an appearance.

Sam pulled him to the balcony; "Did you hear that the mom is suing me?"

"Not just you, every officer that was at the scene, the department and the bank."

"The bank? Why?" Sam had to laugh.

"They're claiming that if the teller hadn't of set off the alarm, we, meaning you, wouldn't have shot them."

"Is she on crack?"

"Actually…"

"She is on crack."

"Not crack but the guys in narcotics know her real well. Don't worry, Judge'll probably throw this out."

"I can't believe the law firm even took it."

"Lawyers will do anything to make a buck." They both shook their heads. "If they thought that they could win this, everyone must be on crack."

"True that Captain."

As the people started to head out, the Shays stayed behind to help clean. Sam was trying her best to keep up, but the extra weight slowed her down.

"I feel like a mooch. I invite you over, then you clean up the apartment." She was carrying some leftovers towards the fridge.

"Sit your pregnant ass down." Carly said, taking the food. She noticed Sam's eyes get glassy. "What's wrong? I'm sorry."

"It's not you. I'm just scared." They sat on the couch. "I just found out that I'm getting sued, weak as it is. And I'm gonna be responsible for someone else's life here soon. You've seen what a mess I made of mine, am I wrong?"

"You didn't have something then." Freddie said, sitting on her other side.

"What?"

"Me." He took her hand.

"And me." Carly said.

"And us." Nicole sat on the coffee table. She looked ill.

"You okay? You look a little pale."

"Stomach's been acting up. Rolaids hasn't helped much."

"Usually doesn't." Sam nudged the "What to expect" book towards her.

"You think that I'm…"

"There's a test in the medicine cabinet."

"Just to prove you're nuts." Nicole walked into the bathroom. Three minutes later they heard her call out, "Spencer!"

"What's wrong?" He opened the door a crack. She was sitting on the toilet, holding the stick.

"She's right." Nicole smiled. "Daddy."

"I think I need to sit down." Spencer took a spot on the floor. "Call the doctor tomorrow." He broke into a smile. "This is scary wonderful!"

"Looks like I need to start saving the Christmas money." Carly joked. "Congrats you two."

* * *

The bailiff announced "All rise! The Honorable Judge Cameron Warren presiding."

"Be seated." He looked over the motions. "The defense has filed a motion to have this case thrown out for lack of evidence. Let's hear arguments." He pointed to the defense team.

Nicole stood up; she still looked pale. "Thank you your honor. The Plaintiff is suing Officer Benson, who was wounded herself, for shooting and killing her sons. The Seattle police department's shooting review board, the state board and the FBI have cleared Officer Benson. Officer Benson and the other officers named in this suit made all possible efforts to arrest the two men without injury. Their actions dictated the police response. They caused their own deaths."

"She killed my boys!" The mother shouted.

"You're out of order." The judge warned her. "Counselor, keep you client under control."

"Sorry your honor." Simmons answered, then spoke to the woman.

"Continue." The Judge said.

"Officer Benson acted within her authority to protect the citizens of Seattle and her fellow officers. She should be getting a commendation for bravery, not sued for doing her job." She started to say something else, but stopped abruptly. She turned to her left and grabbed the small metal trashcan and vomited.

"Sorry your honor, morning sickness." She used a tissue to wipe her mouth. "Seven weeks along."

"Here. Try this." Sam slid her a few peppermint candies.

"Thanks."

The two teams made their opening remarks and the judge then called a break to review the evidence.

"This is a good sign." Nicole was sitting next to Sam. There were a couple of other lawyers from the department at the table. "He'll most likely dismiss the case on grounds."

"Huh?" Sam had been daydreaming. "Sorry, pregnant brain. I can't hardly think."

"The case is most likely gonna get dismissed. We win." Nicole repeated. "Did you understand that?"

"Yes, don't hog my mints. Those help any?"

"A little. How long does this last?"

"I barely had any. Probably have a horrible labor to make up for it?"

"I was just wondering what you were thinking when you took this case?" Judge Warren inquired as he took his seat. "Looking over the police reports and other evidence, I counted over 10 felonies each on those two. You actually thought that you had a case?" He chuckled, "Case dismissed. Officer Benson, you are cleared of any civil liability. You are a credit to your department." He rose and left the chambers. Nicole and the other lawyers shook hands and congratulated each other. Sam asked if there was anything she needed to do?

"No, go home and relax. Have a drink or something." One of the other lawyers said.

"Can't, pregnant and a recovering alcoholic." Sam held out her hand for some help standing up.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update, been managing three stories and a block. There's only about one, maybe two chpters left in this tale.**


	14. Chapter 14

**By now, you either know who owns what, or you never will.**

* * *

"Freddie, I don't wanna go to the day spa." Sam protested for the umpteenth time. "I'm a fat cow. Everyone will stare at me."

"No they won't. Carly'll be there with you." Freddie opened her door and helped her out of their Equinox. Freddie had traded his Accord in on the cross over SUV. "I want you to have a good time, enjoy being pampered."

"Alright, but if someone laughs, I'm leaving." He leaned down and kissed her.

"I'll see you tonight."

"I love you." Sam waddled to the door, "Hey Carls, lets get this over with."

"Why you rushing? This is supposed to be relaxing." Carly led her to the front desk, "Hi, Carly Shay and Sam Benson."

"Yes, Mrs. Benson," Sam cut the receptionist off.

"It's Sam, Mrs. Benson is my crazy mother-in-law."

Carly nodded, "She is crazy."

"Okay Sam, Freddie prepaid for the 'Empress' package. So if you could follow me please." She led the two down a short hallway to a set of rooms. "There's robes in the changing room, you can store your clothes in the lockers. I'll wait here for you." Carly and Sam entered separate rooms and emerged shortly.

"I feel like I'm giving a free show here. Am I covered?" Sam turned to Carly.

"Yes, and you look great. I hope I look this good when I'm 9 months pregnant." Carly hugged her friend. "Why are you so self conscious?"

"I'm huge. I weigh, like 170 pounds and I'm only 5 foot 6. That's fat." The pair noticed Sam's robe jump slightly.

"No Sam, that's a baby. Big difference."

"If you will follow me, we can start." The receptionist said.

"What did Freddie get anyway?"

"The 'Empress' package includes a full body massage, Manicure, Pedicure, wash-cut-style, and make-up. You also have the choice of a seaweed wrap or mud bath."

"I'm gonna kill him." Sam laughed. "What are you getting Carly?"

"Seaweed wrap. I heard the mud smells like rotten eggs."

"Make it two wraps."

"The wrap is this way." She pointed them towards the back of the building. "You can hang your robes on the hooks.

"Do I have to take my robe off? I hate the way I look." Sam tried to keep her robe on. Carly pulled it off.

"What don't you like?"

"I'm fat. I don't even have boobs anymore, I have udders."

"Your first?" The attendant asked. She sported a smaller bump.

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"I was the same way. You'll get your shape back. Right now, just lay back and enjoy the wrap." She pulled up a cart loaded with seaweed sheets. "This will soften and exfoliate. Also add some color to you." She wrapped the two up and turned the lights down. "There is a two way speaker in here, if you need anything."

"Thank you." Carly said as the attendant left. "Sam?"

"Huh." Sam was dozing off.

"I was a little worried, you were pretty quiet."

"Just a little nervous. I'm due in two weeks. My doctor said that means any day now. You think I'm gonna screw this kid's life up like I did mine?"

"No, Freddie won't let you, plus you have Spencer and Nicole, Mrs. Benson, me and Jim…"

"Rewind that last one. You and Jim?"

"I didn't tell you, he proposed last night. I'm engaged."

"Good for you Carly. I knew that introducing you two was the right thing. So, gimme the deets."

"He cooked me this amazing meal; stuffed pork chops, really nice wine. He said that he had to get something out of his jacket pocket. I was wondering why he had left it on the back of his chair. So there he was on one knee, turns around and holds up this box. I'll show you the ring when we get out."

"Congratulations. You guys have a date in mind?"

"I want a spring wedding, Maybe late May. Sam, I want you to be my Maid of Honor."

"Of course." Sam shifted a little. "It hard to relax with the baby crushing me. I should of laid on my side. Do you know why Freddie's doing this for me?"

"Because he loves you, and wants you to feel beautiful."

After the wrap, the two were ushered to the masseuse. Sam was worried that she would not be able to lie on the table, but saw that the spa had a massage table designed for pregnant women.

"Oh yeah, right there, you feel that knot?" Sam was enjoying the strong hands work her back muscles. "God that feels so good."

"Should I leave the two of you alone?" Carly joked from her table.

"Sorry, it's just that my back is killing me."

Sam didn't want the massage to end; she could walk without pain now. Before they went to get their pedicures, they got some of the finger food from the small buffet. As they sat in the chairs, feet soaking in warm water, Carly noticed Sam day dreaming. "Sam?"

"Yeah, just thinking."

"About?"

"The past. You realize, it was 7 years ago this month, I was planning to end my life." Sam sniffled, "Now, I'm getting ready to bring a new life into the world." She took a breath, "I used to think that no one liked me, now, I'm surrounded by love. I have a future worth having." Sam wiped the single tear from her cheek. "I don't think I ever said 'thank you'."

"And I never thanked you for getting me help for my eating disorder." Carly replied. She broke the silence. "What color you getting?"

"Freddie likes this shade of blue I have at home."

"I'm getting a dark red." She had a naughty grin.

"You are a total horn dog."

* * *

Much to their dismay, the day wound to an end. As Sam was getting ready to put her shirt and pants back on, Carly held up a blue dress on a hanger, "Freddie told me to have you put this on." She helped Sam get it over her head without messing her hair up.

"Wow." She looked at the blue dress. It was a maternity cut, but clung to her nicely. The make up artist applied the finishing touches to Sam's face.

"Have a look." She pointed to a full-length mirror. Sam turned and stared; this couldn't be her, could it? She slowly walked up to the mirror, moving her arms in random patterns.

"You used water-proof make up, right?" Carly whispered to the artist.

"The only thing I use." Sam was touching the mirror, she thought that maybe they had Melanie on the other side. She was starting to tear up.

"This can't be me. I'm… I'm,"

A new voice finished her sentence, "As beautiful as the day I married you." Freddie came around the corner and handed her a single red rose. He was wearing his best suit. "Happy anniversary."

"What? Today was our anniversary and I forgot it. I'm so sorry Freddie." Sam was getting worked up.

"Relax, it's okay." He held her in his arms, "Ready for dinner?"

"Where?"

"Michael's Steak House."

"First you make me look nice, now you're taking me to the best steak house in town. I love you." She kissed him.

Carly followed them outside, and whistled at the town car Freddie had rented for the night. "How are you affording all this?"

"I got a big bonus at work for my program."

"Which one was that?" Sam asked. The driver opened her door.

"We called in 'Eagle Eye', it automatically streams the surveillance feeds to the police when a silent alarm is tripped."

"That was you?" Carly was surprised.

"Yeah, I just came up with it one morning and my supervisor told me to run with it."

Carly waved as the car sped off into the night. "So, what do I owe you?"

The receptionist rang up her total and Carly added a tip, it was more than she should have spent, but she figured it had been more for Sam. She smiled as she thought of Jim and how he would react to her new haircut.

* * *

The smells assaulted her nose even before they entered the four star restaurant. The two walked up to the hostess; Sam was eyeing the display case, the various cuts of meat behind the glass were calling to her.

She looked at the woman holding the menus, "I want that steak." She pointed to the one. "Well done." The hostess looked surprised.

"She takes her meat very seriously."

"This is unusual, but okay, your potato?"

"Loaded baked."

"Vegetable?"

"Mixed."

"Side salad?"

"Caesar."

"Would you like to order now sir?"

"I'd like to sit down and look the menu over. But, we will have the spinach dip appetizer. And two ice teas."

Freddie looked over the menu then at Sam, "You look beautiful."

"Stop it, you're making me blush. Why'd you do this for me?"

"I wanted you to see yourself as I see you, even pregnant, you're still beautiful." He leaned over and kissed her.

"Are you ready to order?" The waiter interrupted them. He looked bored.

"I'll have the Flat iron steak, butterflied, well done. Roasted potatoes, and steamed vegetables."

"And your salad?"

"Chef, Italian dressing."

The waiter looked at Sam, "I already put my order in, can we get some rolls please?"

"I'll bring them out."

"Now, where were we?" Sam had a mischievous look in her eye.

Freddie pulled a jewelry box from his pocket, "Happy anniversary."

Sam opened it and gasped, there was a set of earrings, they looked like handcuffs, one end was the hook, and the other held a diamond. "They're beautiful, I feel awful I didn't get you anything."

He caressed her belly, "Didn't you?" He kissed her again. "You've given me more than I could of ever dreamed of. I love you, Samantha."

"I am so giving you a wedgie later." She kissed him again.

* * *

Officer Benson was walking the street; there was no one else around. As she turned the corner she ran into pregnant Sam. She was wearing the blue dress from three nights ago.

"Long time, no see." Benson said.

"I just stopped by to say good luck." Sam hugged Benson. As they touched, Benson felt herself become front heavy. Looking down, she saw she was carrying the baby.

"I'm pregnant?"

"You always were, I was just carrying it until the time was right. Wake Freddie up." Sam dissolved as Benson woke up. She glanced at the clock, 5:38 am.

Shaking her head, those dreams always bothered her; Sam rolled out of bed. As she stood up, wetness ran down her legs. _I peed myself._ She thought for a moment, then the contraction hit her.

"Freddie." She shook the bed. "Freddie, my water broke!"

"Take mine." He was still half-asleep, as he handed her a bottle of water.

"NO, my water broke! I'm having the baby!"

Freddie snapped up in bed, "NOW!"

"Right now."

"What's all the noise?" Marisa cracked the bedroom door. She had moved in temporarily to stay with Sam when Freddie was at work. "Is everything alright?"

"Mom, Sam's water broke! We gotta get to the hospital, we gotta get the bags, we gotta…"

-SMACK-

"What the hell is that for?" Freddie rubbed his cheek.

"You were freaking out, now is not the time to panic." Marisa said calmly. "By the numbers, like we practiced."

"I'll bring the car to the front, and wake Carly up and have her help you with Sam. Call the doctor and tell him what's going on." Freddie took a deep breath "You get Sam's overnight bag and meet me at the door."

"That's better Fredward, stand up straight."

Freddie grabbed his keys and headed for the stairs, this was faster than waiting for the elevator. As he passed the Shay's door, he gave it three hard knocks, followed by two more. This was their code for Sam going into labor.

Spencer opened the door, "FOR REAL?" He was in his duck pajamas.

"Yes, get Carly up and help Sam, I'm getting the car." The lobby was empty at this hour so he didn't have to endure Lewbert's rants. He pulled the SUV around and opened both passenger side doors. Carly, Marisa and Sam came out a minute later.

"How we doing?" Freddie helped Sam into the front seat.

"Contractions are irregular and random." Marisa answered, as Sam grunted again.

"That one was a little stronger."

Freddie was driving as cautiously as he dared. He was going slightly over the posted speeds and rolling through the stop signs. He tried to make a yellow light, but ended up running a red. He hoped no one saw that, but a cruiser pulled in behind him and switched on its lights.

"Can you see the number?" Sam asked, grunting again.

"55" Carly looked out the back window.

"Good, that's Rodgers."

The officer walked up to the driver's side window. "You know why I pulled you… Sam?"

"Water broke, going to the hospital."

"Keep on my tail kid, I'll escort you there." Sam could almost hear the radio call. With the shooting and her being a rookie, the station had taken an interest in her. With the cruiser's lights and siren, they made the last mile in less than 30 seconds. As Freddie pulled up to the emergency room door, Rodgers was already out and an orderly had a wheelchair waiting.

"I called ahead." She told them. "Good luck Sam. See you in 6-8 weeks." She joked.

"I'll be in before then, gotta fill out the medical forms."

"How you doing?" The OB resident asked as Sam was wheeled in. She, Freddie and Sam took the first elevator up to Labor and Delivery. "How far apart are you?"

"Nothing regular, but they're getting stronger."

"Change into this please." He handed her a hospital gown. Freddie helped her change clothes. A young woman walked in with a small tray.

"Ready for the epidural?"

"Sure." Sam sat on the edge of the bed as the woman set to work inserting the tube into her spinal column. Freddie got nervous whenever he saw needles close to the spine.

"We're in, let me get you hooked up and you should be feeling better soon."

"I'll feel better when this watermelon's outta me."

"I need to check your cervix." The Doctor was gloving up. Sam gasped slightly as his hand invaded her.

"Could you at least buy me dinner first."

One of the nurses put a belt on Sam's lower belly. "What's this?" She asked.

"Fetal heart monitor. I just need to find…There it is." On the monitor's screen, the number jumped to 155 beats per minute.

"Did anyone call dad?" Sam looked concerned. "I want him here."

"I'll call him." Freddie pulled out his phone and walked to a corner. A few minutes later he returned. "He's gonna pick up Melanie on the way here. How you doing?"

"Feeling better." She had a slight smile.

"The epidural just kicked in, we'll manage the pain killers until she's fully dilated. As she gets further along, we'll lessen the dosage so when she needs to push, she'll be ready."

"Thanks." Freddie was as calm as he could be. He looked at Sam, lying on the hospital bed. "How you doing?"

"A little scared."

* * *

The doctor checked Sam one last time. "Okay, you're at 10 centimeters, when the next contraction starts, you bear down like you're trying to push your lungs out your feet. You two hold her legs up and back like this," She pushed Sam's knee to her elbow. "I'll be ready to catch the baby." She looked at the monitor, "Everyone ready?" They nodded.

"PUSH."  
Sam squeezed her eyes shut in effort. She felt something move inside her.

"Stop. Alright, the baby's moving nicely, remember, don't scream, you need that energy to push. Ready?"

Panting, "I can't breath." One of the nurses pressed the oxygen mask to her face. Sam took a couple of deep breaths. "I feel like I have to go to the bathroom."

"We got a bedpan down here and some wipes." Sam felt the next contraction starting. She continued to push with the contractions, finally she heard some good news.

"The heads crowning, one more should be enough." The doctor looked at Sam; "You got one more left in you?" Sam nodded weakly.

Sam bore down once again; Freddie was on her right side. "There's a spiral sliced waiting for you." At the mention of ham, she doubled her efforts.

-WHAAAAA-

Sam opened her eyes, "Is that Willow?"

"You wanna do the honors, Dad?" Freddie took the scissors and snipped the cord. "I wanna see her."

"The doctors have to wipe her off first, you did great Sam." Freddie kissed her forehead. Carly took a towel and wiped Sam's face off, smiling at the new parents.

"Congratulations. She's beautiful." Carly looked at the tiny infant.

"Hey there, I'm you mommy." Sam whispered to her daughter. For all the pain she was in, everything was right with the world. "You got your daddy's eyes."

"And your mom's nose."

"So, you guys wanna keep her or trade her for the cash and prizes?" Carly joked. "Guys?"

Neither one heard her; they were too busy showering the newest Benson with love.

* * *

**A/N: This ends our adventure with the 'iCarly' gang. I may write a sequel, there are a few loose ends still out there. Thank you for all your comments.**


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